Clockworks

I'm still threading on a path that leads to places unseen.
Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days.
I'm lost in a world where time seems to pass so slow.

The uneasy feeling of someone is watching me.
like there's a shadow outside my windows.
hearing whispers of words i cannot comprehend.
I scream my silent screams throughout the night,
asking for an answer, a path.. a reason.
A reason for this life that was given me.
But again to no avail, no answers were given.
It would seems that I'm nothing more than entertainment to a higher power,
who has yet to give and perhaps never will give meaning to my life.

Oh how I wish the end days would arrive soon..
to see fire and brimstone fall upon the earth,
I've completely fallen away from God, I fear.
I'm a sinner with thoughts that stretches throughout the genres of all 7 sins..
Well.. 6 sins.. for I feel no greed. I just don't see the point of such earthly things.
However, I lust for power. I'm hungry for attention.
I envy the wicked and the good, I want destruction I want war.
My ego is at a point where I no longer feel obliged to care for those around me.
It's as though all the people around me have lost their values.
they perspective, their thoughts, their tiny little plans for their tiny little life..
I care no more, I tire of the selfish ways of everyone around me.
Hypocrites they are, every last one of them.

21 years I've waited, 21 long years.. for a meaning, a reason, a truth.
and I have perhaps another 40? 50? 60? 80? more years of life to go..
am I to continue waiting through out these long years?
for no reason at all.. I wait, waiting for something to just come and tell me what my purpose in life is.
But I'm tired, soo tired.. 21 almost 22 years have passed..
and I've yet to see any sign or reason for this planet for the human race.
I've held out soo long because I've seen the good in people for a time.
but it has degraded.. the entire human race has degraded and some devolved.

through living this daily life, I've seen, I've heard..
I've felt more hatred than I've ever felt before.
I just cant see the good in people anymore.
I cant see the good in anything.
I fear, I've gone insane through days/months without company..
yet its in these lonely days that I've found.. knowledge.
and like how the clockworks ticks, so does my heart beat beats.
without feelings or thinking too deep, it'll stop beating its rhythmic tick-tock-tick.