Words Spoken

A pictures holds a thousand words.
Sometimes it speaks louder than actions and words..
And at times... picture with words speak the loudest :)

Space Bound

We touch I feel a rush
We clutch it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous
You must be a sorceress 'cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust don't play games it'll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
'Cause if I get burnt imma show you what it's like to hurt
'Cause I been treated like dirt before you
And love is "evol"
Spell it backwards I'll show you

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own
It's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these motherfucking hoes
Bloodsucking succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I've tried in this department but I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be
Like trying to start over
I got a hole in my heart, for some kind of emotional rollercoaster
Something I won't go on 'til you toy with my emotion, so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold you, I wasn't joking when I told you
You take my breath away
You're a supernova... and I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Two hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same?
You want them when they don't want you
Soon as they do feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't looking but I stumbled onto you must've been fate
But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take
Let's cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I won't be making a mistake
Cause I'm a...

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Two hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

So after a year and 6 months it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm pleading
I'm trying to stop you from leaving
You won't even listen so fuck it
I'm trying to stop you from breathing
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezing
'Til I snap you neck like a Popsicle stick
Ain't no possible reason I could think of to let you walk about this house
And let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks
Then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would've done anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now
It's too late to save our love
Just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cause I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Without you
Without you

Displacement . Disappearance . Development

Picture taken from I'm Dreamin' It Facebook page.

The more you like yourself, the less you're like anyone else, which makes you unique. - Walt Disney


.:Displacement:.

I've displace my life from something i know and love, To something i should never had cared about. A lot of time has passed since I last felt alive. And the experiences I've had along the way pushed me back to my roots. I am what I am. I've lost myself, but now I'm found anew. I've wandered lost for so long, Only to find the displacement of me and my old self was but a step away. I'm tired of hoping, tired of waiting, tired of wishing, tired of dreaming, tired of being everything I am.

.:Disappearance:.

On the verge of letting go of everything that's holding me back and down. I've come to realize the reason behind my demise. A compassionate heart. A weakness of mine that has caused more harm than good. Love. Why do you love someone who've hurt and rejected you? Or why are you still willing to try your best despite the pain? A mystery that can never be solved. A feeling that is often taken for granted. A heart as broken as mine can never be fixed... And now I feel as though, I don't want it to be.

Nobody cares, nobody notices, when it comes right down to it... I'm alone...And within the shards of my broken heart, I cast out all the pain, suffering, feelings, emotions, love, hate... Wishing for it all to disappear and to never be found. I've been hurt enough for one lifetime. I wish only peace of which only solitude can offer me. This is the conclusion that has been shown to me.... Before anyone notices, I'll be gone forever.

.:Development:.

The end of me. A process by which I will be reborn into something stronger. What I've learned from past experience, is no one is gonna care if you give up on yourself. Especially if you've given up on yourself, but not on them. By which has showed me truth and enlightenment. Giving up on myself isn't gonna change anything. The world will still suck and will still remain in its broken state. There is nothing saving this world from its end.

Caring about those around you, isn't gonna make any difference. It hurts really, to know that everything I've done is equivalent to nothing. Oh how weak the human mind is, to forget the good that has been given to them. Same case with me, i suppose. By which is something I don't want anymore. I don't want to love anymore. I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. But instead of giving up on myself. I'm giving up on you and everyone else in this world.

I've tried my best to find a reason to life, a meaning for my existence, and I found none. There is nothing, and if I died now it'd be but a small tiny little speck of sadness within this already broken world, after a week and no one would care anymore. The human race has degraded itself to the point of no return, a point that would destroy everything. And with how everyone on earth is like right now, I've found no reason to be me anymore. Crawling my way back into my shell. I shall reform myself into a monster that feels nothing. I loved this world and everything in it, but it just isn't worth it.. I give up.

Vintage Love

Rainbows, Balloons, Chocolates, Roses, Vintage Outfits and Sepia Photos.
Hats, Sunglasses, High Heels, Polka Dotted Dresses, Leather Jackets, Bikes and Paris.
Vintage Happiness & Love, At Its Best.

That's the kind of Love I wish for.. u know the whole, rich and beautiful girl falling for the artistic guy who sells art by the street for 30bucks a piece. and when the girl meets him, they fall madly in love at the fountain at the town square.

The whole romance gig, in real life.. :) If only I could be that lucky.
Very often I feel that I was born into the wrong century. Simply because I still believe in true love and romance like that and my love for art.. Since in this modern world, Art and romance is easily overlooked.. Sad really.. :\

So... anyway my blog has been super duper emotional.. cos i've been super duper emotional... I'm feeling better now tho. Spent the last few days watching romance movies.. Surprisingly they help more than causing more pain.. ahaha :)

Gonna review them one by one ^^
Brace yourself there are alotttt :)




The Notebook (2004)
"I have a crush on your mind, I fell for your personality and your looks are just a big bonus"
This movie isn't that new, and its actually my 2nd time watching it. But I still love it. True love cant break 2 people apart :) I just love the whole setting in this story. And although the usual poor guy falling for rich girl, romeo and juliet story is really common now. Each one always have its own unique-ness and this one has one of the best. The Notebook, one of my favorite romance.
9/10




Because I Said So (2007)
" I love that you have this insane way of talking in circles that makes perfect sense."
I like this storyline to be honest, ahaha.. cos the girl ended up with an artistic guy :D hahas. IMDb Sypnosis of the story: A meddling single mother tries to set her daughter up with the right man so her kid won't follow in her footsteps.
And that's pretty much it. :) the whole story goes pretty lovely..
Stars: Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham, Piper Perabo
6/10




The Last Song (2010)
"Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't mean you love them any less, sometimes it even makes you love them more"

I love this movie, its very sweet.. and its the movie that made me love~ Miley Cyrus. She's awesome in this movie.. I love the soundtrack, the storyline and everything. Okay, I guess anything by Nicholas Sparks is amazing :) in books and in movies.
Amazing movie ~_~ nuff' said
9/10




Love, Wedding, Marriage (2011)
"The key to a successful marriage is to find those qualities that make you fall in love with your spouse again every day"
This movie is rather silly, but still a good movie to watch. Its about how a girl who tries to get her parents to not divorce while endangering her own marriage in the process. Its okay, but probably better to watch with a partner rather than alone.
But of course if you're a fan of Mandy Moore or Kellan Lutz, you'd love it.
5/10




Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)
"The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise. "
This one is similar to "Love, Wedding, Marriage" in a way.
But still completely different, its about a guy who is about to get separated with his wife. While a bunch of things happen, starting with him getting into a bar complaining about his wife and eventually meeting a guy who teach him how to hook up with womens at the bar. Its a fun movie to watch, funny and overall I like the connection of all the characters.
Stars: Steve Carrel, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Analeigh Tipton
7/10




Take Me Home Tonight (2011)
Okay, this story is a little more typical. Its 4 years after graduation and old schoolmates having a Labor Day party as a reunion, where the main character Matt tries to tell his high school crush how he feels about her, with a bunch of lies cos' he thinks he isn't good enough for her.
Typical story :) fill in the blanks yourself. but its still quite a nice movie.
5/10




Prom (2011)
"When I'm about to kiss you, you'll know it."
Teenage Disney Movie!! :) This is worth watching!
The song u're hearing in my blog now. is from this movie! ahaha.. Its good. A little typical, but thats how disney is. Its about how everyone in school react and change differently when its nearing the graduation day. And how prom is the big event where everyone who probably never even speak to each other can get together and have a final day at school with one another. and if find the main actress: Aimee Teegarden, pretty good in this movie. :D
7/10




Beastly (2011)
"People make such a big deal about looks, but when you know someone you don't even notice them anymore. "
My friend told me that this movie sucked cos it wasn't as good as the book and that twilight movie was better. okay, taking that into consideration. I watched the movie, and found the movie actually is quite nice. Probably cos' I never read the book but its still nice, its more romantic than twilight. If you dont know, the story is basically a Beauty and The Beast story. How a popular and handsome guy was cursed to look ugly until he finds someone who can love him beyond outer looks and see inner beauty instead. :) And Vanessa Hudgens wasnt tat bad in this movie.
7/10




Monte Carlo (2011)
"I finally meet a guy who likes me for me. And I'm not even me."
This movie is nice, it gave me the whole princess diary feel to it.. I guess its due to the whole european and rich theme to the whole story. Its good, its more a teenage movie than pure romance. but worth watching :)

And I'd like to add that I never liked Selena Gomez, and the reason I watch this movie was cos of Leighton Meester.. But after watching is movie, I find Selena not that bad. I guess I only disliked her due to Justin Bieber. ahaha.. mehh~

Still a good movie :) the typical being an imposter of a superstar story but with a little bit of family drama and you have a pretty solid storyline.
8/10




The Vow (2012)
" I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other. "

Okay, I gotta say, this is an amazing story :)
I love everything about this.. Its just nice to watch.. another movie to leave me speechless. The story is about how a married couple got into a car accident and the girl lose her memory. And the guy tries as best he could to make her fall in love with him again..
I loved this movie~
8/10





That's it :) and it really makes me wonder if love in real life would ever be as blissful and happy as the movies.. hmm~

I'm Suffocating

I'm my own worse enemy~

I'm feeling horrible :\ worse than horrible in fact.
ahahaha.. I feel alone.. oh soo alone..

Yes, I'm alone by choice.
I don't want to get hurt anymore..
Its a decision I've made cos' I've been hurt by people enough this year.
I know its just half the year, but I've been hurt wayy too much already.
and no one even cares much anyway.
Those that do care are too far away from me to help.

Gawd, I cant wait to leave this heartless place behind ... :\
I've GIVEN UP... cos there's nothing left for me..
Right now my life is like extremely emotional.
I feel like jumping off a cliff the moment I find a cliff that's high enough to kill me.
Hmm.. I remember I use to be emotional like this..
Its been a long time .__.
And now I've come right around in a full circle back to point 1 of emotionality.
I gotta say, it bites just as much as it did 7years ago.

I've taken a chance in a more positive life, lived my life in a slightly brighter light.
Crawling in the grey area.. but after everything..
I feel the way I felt back then, people are overrated, all they do is hurt, cheat, leave, lie.
As if it means anything in the end.. what happens at the end of their life?
regret? perhaps disappointment or self-hatred? whatever the case...
I've clawed my way back into the embrace of darkness..
For how long will I stay? I do not know..
But if I can make it through these dark days by the time of opportunity,
I'm sure things will get better... probably..

But if things were to get worse before then...
I dare not think of it... :|

Shadows has overtaken me...

I just want to shut my eyes and drift away...



Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

(Shut your eyes [x4])

Shut your eyes and sing to me (Shut your eyes and sing to me) [x4]

Incapability

Uhmm I've been well.. over-thinking.. as always.
"Incapability" is the word :)

A long time ago, I wondered about all the worse case scenario if a relationship.
First, would be being in love with a sick girl. I'd do my best to visit her everyday.
Let her experience everything in life, and make her happy...
Remember my post last time about feeling horrible about Ayuko's death..
yeah.. that feeling still remains of course..
As well as the lingering feeling of Incapability..
As I wasn't even able to be there for her, I couldn't even be there for her funeral..
yeah.. :|

Another worse case scenario would be
falling in love with a pregnant girl who doesnt have a husband.
well, if I was in love with her, i'd support her n her family without a doubt. :)
even if she isn't ready for a relationship or whatever that'd be what i'd do.
My friend is going through a similar situation, I wish I could do something.
But I incapable...
knowing the problem, knowing what to do is one thing.
But to have the materials and funds to do it is another .__.
At times I wish I was born into a rich family, to stop seeing people going through such hard fates.
But I wasnt born rich... :(

In a relationship,
She deserves someone who can make her happy and give her a happy life.
As well as one who can provide for her and her family.
And make her smile everyday without a doubt.

But again, I'm Incapable.
This world is too materialistic for the likes of a lover like me .__.

I wish I could be there to hug you and tell you that everything is alright.
That you can let it go, let everything go
and just let the tears fall and disappear forever.
To allow you to be free from the sadness and emptiness.
To show you how true love really is like, without the sad depression.
To be the guide you wish for soo dearly.
But, I'm incapable of it... I'll be leaving soon :|

I guess at some point I've made my choice that my dream of leaving.
The choice to press the reset button on my life,
is more important than giving everything I am to a relationship.
I've not felt happy in a long time. And don't think I will anytime soon.
I just want to stop loving for now.. I cant handle the pain..

I'm emotional, spiritual, forgiving, self-less, faster, stronger, smarter, creative, hardworking and overall good in everything I want to be good in..
My goal in life is to reach as close to PERFECT as I possibly can..
I may not be rich, but i'm still one of the best person anyone could ever find.
I may be incapable of giving a lover everything she wants,
but I'll be the person to give her everything she needs..

I only wonder now if there is anyone out there for me .__.
Alas.. I'm incapable of seeing the future..

I fear, my goal for perfection would leave me a bachelor forever..
Often I wonder, would that be soo bad? :\

ahaha~ one of my friend told me that, she'd prefer me to be in love than single forever.
I asked her why, she said she just does..

To be honest, I do too.. I miss having someone to hold/someone to hold me.
Unless love is something as simple as emotions, feelings, desires, gift of chocolates and roses..
I dont see how I can fit in to it now...

Now.. all i see that maintains a relationship mainly... is money..
The world today is of such insecurity and incapability of loving until no matter what you do..
There isn't any love left.. No one love like they should anymore.
It isn't real... how can I be with someone who isnt a true lover?
Simple, I cant. But how does one differentiate a true lover from a fake one?
it isn't possible. The incapability of seeing a person's true form, is scary...
It doesnt provide happiness nor fulfillment like a relationship is suppose to....

I may not be capable of being perfectly nice and rich at the same time.
But I'm definitely capable of loving with my whole heart, are you?

Steampunk

First off..
Last night/This morning as i was watching quite a lame movie cos I couldnt sleep.
"Doomsday (2008)"3/10
Good movie, horrible storyline, alot of gore and slightly boring.
I ended up doodling an artwork in front of my computer :) lol

Its based on Steampunk style artwork :)
for those who dont know, steampunk is actually Victorian Science Fiction.
Google it and see all the awesome creativity-ness of Steampunk.

060612

Happy birthday to me :)
It was my birthday uhmm yesterday.. ahaha June 6th :)
I'm officially no longer a teen! :( I feel old..

Uhmm i didn't celebrated :( as always..
Every year, when i want to celebrate something bad happens.. sigh!
Tis' year i was planning to go out for Snow White & The Huntsman with my friends.
But it was cancelled cos my friend's car got knocked by a policeman

Yes, a policeman got into an accident with him.. although its a small accident..
just a small dent in the bumper.. but that guy, being a policeman needed to follow protocol. etc. etc.
Uhmm he looked more sad than anything else. me n my friends agreed that he's probably sad cos he's gonna get ban from using anymore police vehicles :\ hmm..

So yeah... my plan for movie was cancelled cos of that.. sigh!
I received a total of 81 Birthday wishes on fb and sms :)
Comparing that to the 200++ i got on fb a few years back..
I prefer the ones i got this year.. cos 90% of the 81 are from people who are really close to me :)
Its the result of clearing my 1000+ fb friends
to just the 400+ people that i actually know and care about.

I guess my bday wasn't all bad.. got to go to the police station o_o uhmm..
got to compete in League Of Legends Online Qualifiers but lost..
got to chat with an interesting girl,
who nows owe me a mcFlurry and whose actually very fun to chat with :)
got to influence my cute junior to finally gimme the McD he owes me xD
uhmm Gotten a smurf and sketchbook from my beloved twin :)
uhhmmm got to joke around about flying over to the States and celebrating my birthday a 2nd time before the day ends there.
Met a new blogger friend who is really great in poetry and writing.. wooww...
Got a psychotic bday song sang by a guy in Batman's Joker costume..
Uhmm spent almsot the entire afternoon texting n catching up with my BF :( i missed her.

But again.. like I said in posts before... most of these are things i experience mainly online..
ahaha the internet really is the home of a multimedia designer i guess?

Overall...
Its still not a bday celebration.. i mean.. its like things people do in normal days.
But the time i got to chat with people i dont normally chat with is worth it.. :)
and to just sit around at a police station with my friends in the middle of the night felt epic..
its like being in a music video! lol... mehh..
Still it could have been better..
To be honest I've always wanted to celebrate with a birthday party xD
But its always too much trouble to conduct..
+ i dont know who to invite.. mehhh.. so it never happens. ah ha..
But i'm used to it..

Every year my bday always has a sad side to it..
and at some point I'm tired of it.. its like fate..
I guess thats also a reason why I'm never really celebrating it.. heh..
Out of the 365 days i get in a year the day of my birth..
Has hardly ever been anything good .__.
its like the world is cursing the day i've been borned..
sigh!
But on a brighter note!
I still get to watch Snow white tis Saturday :)
and and.. uhmm i dunno wat else...
ahhh! i shall sleep...
There's nothing left for me to do now anyway~ lol

There's a danger

Its decided that after studies i'm going to KL to work and eventually move to Japan. Its no longer a dream or a vision or a goal.. ITS A FACT :)

I miss Ayuko. I admit that.. and i know i admit it alot.But its the truth. No one I've met in this world was as strong as she was..Or at least no one I know lived as cheerful and pure as she did..Moving to Japan was always been my goal..I've always wanted to go there..

So.. no i'm not going because i met her. I'm going because.. I believe that there's something more for me there.A future there.. what meeting her would make me do tho.. is donate to cancer charity..heh.. tho i'm not sure how much charity actually helps the needy..Its something I might do in the future..

The future.. a scary thought it is..
I've always thought I could have a bright future..But the journey towards it is really dull.. I'm tired, i need a big push.. or something.. anything.. Like a million dollar cheque, so i dont need to spend the 2years in KL and insta-migrate to Japan. lol..

I need the fresh start... I need that reset button.. :) and hopefully my plan is that button for me.And HOPEFULLY it wont set off a bomb in my life :|

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AFA MY 2012 is coming up...
that's.. Anime Festival Asia: Malaysia 2012

This year its held at KL.. last year it was at Singapore..

AND DANG! i wish i could go..

but i found out about it too late... LOL if not i'd save up money to fly over there... T_T

They have a Japanese maid cafe, butler cafe there..and and~ Anisong concerts by Kalafina, Aimi, Maon Kurosaki, FLOW, KOTOKO, Sea☆A

Mitsuhisa Ishikawa, the producer who made,

"Ghost In The Shell (攻殻機動隊)"

and "Blood: The Last Vampire"

will be giving a talk on his life and experiences .__.

I WANNA GO ! :(

as well as Tomohiko Ishii

from Studio Ghibli and the assistant producer for famous titles, such as"Spirited Away (千と千尋の神隠し)", "The Cat Returns (猫の恩返し)"and "Howl's Moving Castle (ハウルの動く城)". all the classics xD

There'll also be of course COSPLAY! even the GM.Bibi from Garena is gonna go there in her cosplay ._.

Arghh~ i wanna go.. T__T Anime fan.. but cant go.. sad case..

Hopefully! I'll be able to go next year!where ever it's gonna be held .__.!

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"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and its sad when you know. It's your heart you cant trust."



Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough - Sun Yan Zi (孙燕姿)
Original song was by Patty Smyth back in the 90s.. but i prefer Sun Yan Zi's cover best..

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Dr.Seuss The Lorax

Last night well.. tis morning 2am. i couldnt sleep.. So I watched one of the movie i downloaded, Dr.Seuss The Lorax.Its a cute movie with great storyline.. :) I also like the quote from Dr.Seuss at the end..

"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

I love that quote.. cos its really true... people nowadays simply dont care about anything anymore. Me included. ahaha its sad .__. but i loved the movie.. its meaningful enough. And it gave me a 2nd fav quote by Dr.Seuss.. The first one of course being;

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


Dont ever change who you are no matter what.. You're perfect... everyone is :)

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Reading your blog post now, makes me feel.. relieved. I used to have a crush on you a long time ago, well of course i did. why wouldnt I? You were always an amazing girl. Hahax~ but I knew I would never be good enough for you.. and I know I still am not.. But I'm glad that your life is looking out better. :) I may not be as 'holy' or on fire for God as i used to be after my lastest relationship.. And yet, I believe that God will still bless you and your family abundantly.

God bless :) 

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A blog is a place to express anything you want to..
and anything that you feel. Nothing others think would have to matter..
That's how my blog is.. you can think of me whatever way you want..
But it doesn't change the fact that.. It is a fraction of who I really am.. 
At least I dont lie to myself everyday and keep true to who I am ;)

Peace and Love my readers... :)

If i waited would you have said yes?

Probably not.. :)

ahh~ Boring days...

I've been sleeping very late lately.. like 4am in the morning kind of late..

eh heh.. i'm still not coping well.. I feel empty.. like completely feeling nothing..

I'm not happy, i'm not sad.

I'm unhappy and yet.. i feel no sorrow..

i am angry.. but what is anger?

Reminds me of the poems i use to write when i was young.. wahaha

links to my poems: My Poems

To think that I use to be soo much into the dark.. is terrifying.

But then... thats where all my personality came from.. in the dark, in the dark, in the dark....

All i've been doing lately is download movies and gaming

I've been rather tired really... my bday is coming up.. i guess that's why..

never actually celebrated it.. still not going to. ahaha xD

my birth isn't much of a celebration anyway.. plus people tend to forget it..

as if 06/06 is hard to remember? pfft..

I have a bday wish.. but its one that probably would never come true..

but thats what a wish is rite? it isn't suppose to come true.

Its just something you want. not something you need..

What i do need tho, is a miracle.. sighhh!

where is my miracle? D:

I dont even know what i'm saying.. ahaha..

I want...

somebody spontaneous to spend my bday with..

Alas..... there isn't any... :( tis is sad...

eh heh! ahh well.. nothing much to say really...

boring holidays coming to an end.. yay? ahahas

peace and love peeps.. have a great day :)

Haunting Memories

Memories..
This post is just a shard of the past I wish to record.
They haunt my thoughts and i guess writing it out would be better.. maybe

Lately I feel like i've been distant...
like extremely far away from everyone i use to know.

But i remember them, i remember each and every one of them very well..
And to think most things that happen in my life is due to the internet. ahaha

I remember when i was like 11, when i first got on the social site: Neopets.
That's where I learnt most of the stuff i know now..

I remember meeting Evenex, a japanese girl living in the NZ..
her and her friends in the anime guild, taught me soo much on animes.. :|
then at the neopets message board i met,

Jeanjadeonguitar whose a very awesome girl from the UK.
she was also kinda like my first girlfriend, lol if it actually counts.. not really sure since I was still kinda too young to understand much.. but there were a lot of drama and with the hacking of her account, we were left with no communication.. tho somehow i wish i could still contact her.. :\

I also met Annaangel, a girl from australia who was really upbeat and energetic. fun girl to chat with.. lost contact with her long time ago tho..

I also met Meg and Melia who were also australian.. both ended up being my foster sisters. lol! they're both amazing girls actually. :) but dont contact them anymore.

Case was an american who was into the whole emo stuff.. and also into Roleplaying. she was the one who taught me how to write n roleplay in the forums and roleplaying boards... a few months after meeting her, she lost her life to pressure and personal problems .__.

mikilove who was a fan of everything japanese and from m'sia as well.. she was actually my first real foster big sis :) she taught me loads..

got on friendster. then i met mikilove's friend Aaveli, whose a very creative gal who know stuff like art and photoshop and stuff...

that was during my teenage time, i got into the whole emo, dark, goth phase of life.

I also met Zoe, off friendster if i'm not mistaken. m'sian, and also a fellow blogger. ahaha :) she became one of my best friends even though we never chat much. she's still an awesome person! :D

and also Lynnds, m'sian. :) i love how she send my a postcard and a keychain! (though the keychain was stolen by the postman :\ ) but its the thought that counts! and she's just a truly amazing person! she's also another person who's been one of my close friends for a long time... that we pretty much havent been contacting lately :(

I got a youtube account met, Kyuuka, who taught/show the basic of anime music video editing.

Eventually all this got me into the whole Visual Kei (japanese rock) love~

Got into gaming, animes, video editing, music and pretty much just isolating myself from the whole world..

Played auditionSEA met an awesome Singaporean girl on there, Wen. who was in polytechnic at the time and does 3D design and stuff :) I still have the christmas postcard she send to me... along with the @cash clothes she gave on my bday on Audition.. ahaha! ahh~ stuff like these make me feel so old now! :| we stopped contacting a long time ago too..

That was when i was a teenager, i din have any real friends in real life.. lol..

mostly just online...

I then met Adel , my brother's friend's sister through.
who was the same age as me, and became my best friend, she's the only one i think that still contacts me just as much as she did back then.

I met her friend kiwi, who eventually i got into a relationship with..
but then after a while we just broke apart..

I was having my family problem at that time too.. and i was still very emotional. so yeahhhh..
We contact less n less and now we barely even contact at all..

my 2nd real life girlfriend was TCH, she was an amazing girl, into anime drawing.. I adored her, i admired her.. a relationship bought off by chocolates and a manga book.
but we were young, and things ended worse than bad..
only recently we started contacting again... abit at least.

When i was 16.. it was also then that i made my group of friends of which i still hang out with right now.

actually, tats when i met my bestfriend too. my Blurfriend.
i didnt know she would become my bestie at all at first..
She's like totally awesome and retro. Vintage even. Our friendship was actually kinda up and down in its own way, and sorta weird but still interesting at the time xD She's the kind of girl whose into Sepia photos, rainbow umbrellas, cute things, dresses, high heels, sweets and is somewhat blur yet very understanding. But all in all, she is an amazing girl.. and remains as my first real best friend in real life. :) Although we dont actually contact much anymore... the time we did, is worth more than anything.
ahaha! u're awesome BF! ;)

I also met a girl from the afternoon session who uses the same class i use in the morning session in secondary school... surprisingly JessieL, use to goto the same tuition as me as well as the primary and secondary school, we started contacting cos we shared the same table in the morning n afternoon session. we would actually vandalize the school table with our artworks to communicate with one another. x) it was a fun experience and one i really miss!! we ended up being the best of foster siblings and altho life as drifted her across the sea for studies, we still remain close friends

I got into my 3rd real relationship when i was 17...
it was probably the best year of my life.. ahaha.. the entire up and down process was tiresome, stressful, rewarding and overall amazing.
I dont know how to put it.. it was just a great experience to have, despite the bad ending :\ uhmm din contact for a while after the whole thing..

there are also the people i meet in church of which i truly care, admire, lookup to and adore. the ones that really boosted my confidence in life. although I might have overstep my boundary most of the time, I'm grateful to have had the chance to spend those moments of my life with them.
It was fun, and the memories will forever remain pure...
I stopped contacting with them as well..

actually after that breakup I became more distant with the people around me even more..

I met Destiny online as well, she was a very energetic, cute girl, whose always misunderstood or taken advantage of. or at least from my view. she became one of my best friends tho! I dont know how that happened but yeah. she's into gaming and anime and now deciding to join cosplay club or not? ue shud definitely go for it! ahahaha.. she's still one of my best friend now and actually still keeps in contact :D

I met JiaCheng ( i dunno how to pinyin properly ) ahaha.. another amazing girl. who although is only younger than me by 3months calls me big bro. from Sabah~ :D and currently works at Singapore. I dont really know her that well.. but I can tell that she's a strong girl who can do whatever she wants to ^^

I met Zianne on fb. :) one of my best friend at the time. into the whole cosplay, anime, emogoth, jrock fandom! :D totally awesome.. at the time she was like a complete role model to me .__. ahaha just awesome.. although... we seem to be contacting less and less... cant be helped i guess..

I also met Momo, a girl who was suffering from depression at Japan.
a cute and creative little girl, whose been through more than the average people. a person who could've become more sinister and dark than i use to be. o__o but i'm glad throughout the time we chat, she was able to get better in time.. and have a happy life now? :)  one of my fav person, even tho we dont contact much anymore. :(

Sora added me on fb via the random friend finder thingy.. he was an interesting person. and also the 4th Japanese i met online ahahax~ a very good looking guy with great personality. actually i think all japanese have great personality o__o or at least the ones thats got internet.. heh..
and to find that he actually know Zianne, was interesting.. its like fate.

Sora's sister Ayuko added me on fb soon after, we would then become friends and chat about actually..
anything and everything. she was an easy person to talk to.. we got into a long distant relationship, at the time i guess i didn't know what i was getting myself into, but it was also like nothing could feel more like destiny than that moment... I admired her. she was adventurous, kind, innocent, loving and just strong. a person who lived life to the fullest with no regrets. Her personality were traits I always 

admired. she was everything I had been looking for. :) and to have met her was just amazing.

but after Ayuko's passing.. I just drew myself even more further away from the people around me.

I always.. ALWAYS keep myself away from the people around me when i feel horrible. I dont know why, its just the way i am i guess... or maybe its just something life taught me.

But one thing i do know is.. although I dont stay in contact with everyone as much anymore, doesnt mean I forget about them.. there are actually alot of people that isn't mentioned here..

Actually the people mentioned here are mostly only the friends i met through the internet and caused a huge impact in my life even if in just a small way.

I do know one thing, I love music, and thats the one thing that every one on this post have in common.. ahahax everyone has more or less the same taste in music i like~ :)

I love my friends, each and every one of them.

I love my life, although there are parts i wish i could change.... but its still life..

And when the time comes, I will leave this country and find myself a new life to lead fully..

I dont know where, when or how..

But I believe there are greater things for me out in the world.
which is why.. in a way i dont get too close to the people around me..

I dont want to have to feel regret when I'm leaving this place..
I dont want to have to feel like i have a reason to stay.
I just want to leave it all behind and start a new life...

Its hard to understand, I'm hard to understand. I dont even understand myself.

But I know that, everything happens for a reason. Although sometimes the way it happens seems completely wrong or just completely in-comprehensive but thats just the way it is..

I understand now.. and its with this post, i lay my memories here..
forever safe kept within my blog domain and to never haunt my nights again.

At some point i guess i still wish i could spend time with everyone..
Singing through the phone, Dancing on an online game, Walking from Star cineplex to 3rd mile, drinking chocolate milkshake at our hangout, shopping for gives, sharing icecream at the local icecream store, walking under the pouring rain, storytelling on a forum/board, writing back to back storyblogs, exchanging artwork through vandalism, communicating through music, art and pictures.. etc. etc. etc...

ahh~ i miss it~ But then.. i guess that's why they are special to me..
Cos they are memories with certain people at a certain time that will make me remember them forever. :)


I am a multimedia artist, i work online and with my computer.

And the internet. is my domain~ :B