Freed

It's been awhile since my last post.

With my decisions made for leaving my hometown, I'm both excited and frightened.

To be able to leave this place is a blessing on its own.

But a saddening feeling has started to creep up to me these past few days.

To leave behind some of my closest friends may be harder than I expected.

Last week 06/06 was my birthday.

I was able to call out a gathering between my closest friends;

including XY, my bestie from high school.

To be able to meet her after such a long period of no-contact.

I definitely felt blissful to be able to see her again.

That feeling you get, when you haven't seen your best friend in a long long time,

but still are able to talk like nothing's changed.. That Feeling is Amazing. 

Words cant even begin to express my gratefulness of having someone like her in my life.

For a long time, I was lost as I wasn't sure what I wanted out of life, 

as if I'm a walking corpse forced to live my life in dread.
then I made this random decision that I want to leave.
to fully leave behind all these 

But that day, on my 22nd b-day.

I got to spend my dinner time with;

Feng : my gaming/hobby/anime buddy, whose always supportive.

Ric : the simple guy who's always been a great listener.

XY : my bf ever since high school, our friendship was never simple but all the complications often seem to disappear when we meet up or talked. It's just one of those miraculous thing that happens when you find that one person you can fully open up to.

& Amelia : Eric's sister whom, I do not know very well, but is a kind-hearted soul. and at most times very similar to her lil brother :)

Twas a small but precious gathering~ 

we had a nice dinner at 'Oishi', although it wasn't the besttt Japanese food ever, it was good enough. Aha.

Shared a chocolate cheesecake with everybody, and went on to have milk tea as we chatted about random stuff for what seems like a long time.

It was simple but it was precious. A memory I would cherish for a very long time.

Similarly, today went out with them for a romantic comedy movie "Blended",

A fun and funny movie that had everybody laughing.

A long time ago, I've tried my best to avoid romance flicks. 'cos it often reminded me of the past,

and more often, pokes the wounds on my heart everytime a lovey dovey part appears.

For a long time that feeling of loneliness had haunted me. 

But today, it would appear that I've overcame it, to have my friends beside me is truly a blessing.

Although it pains me to leave them here while I'm going away for further studies.

And there's a high probability that I may never come back.

I'm grateful to those who are here with me now. 

The ones I leave behind. The ones I'll never forget. The ones I'll come back for.

To be able to hangout with XY made me happy, but not only because it's been a long time,

But also because I got to see how strong she's become. 

To see her purest smile and sweetest laugh and weirdest responses~

It shows how much she've grown over the years. & I'm happy for her. 

Which is why although it saddens me to have to leave the company of such great people.

I'm honored to be considered the friends / close-friends / best-friends.

And I believe there's more this world could offer me. 

More than this. more than everything I have now.

It is not lust or greed that I sought to leave and find something more or greater.

But because of faith, Faith and Hope that allows me to dream;

to believe that I can do more, be more..

to believe that if I stumble and fall and crumble to pieces, that I might find comfort in these people whom I truly adore.

to believe that there's far greater things to come for me, and for them..

to believe that not time nor distance can break our bonds.

and to know that...

I love all my friends, truly i do.

I also love all my enemies, ex-s, haters and acquaintances.

For each individual that I've met in my life, has brought me to be who/what I am today.

I can finally say, that I'm free and I shall soar the skies.. where I'm meant to be.

And with all my heart I pray & hope that these bonds I've made,
would survive the passage of time and remain eternally beautiful.

SHIAWASE!

This week has been an "awesome" week~ 

lol hanged out with Callie almost the entire week. 

Doing the damn impossible to do proposal of our final assignment.

Actually, we've been doing it for like 2 weeks plus.. 

means constantly eating out D: my money!

and also.. random stuff like going to the cineplex and going kbox.

but all of that and the, McD Burgers, McFlurries, Pizza, Cheesebaked Rice, Nasi Lemak, Sushi, etc. etc. consumed within those 2 weeks were all entirely for stress relieve~~  

its like burning money D: but worth it. :X

Worse for Callie since she bought a new Domo tissue box. 

& paid for some of my meals, cos she's an awesome friend! 

& cos she was grateful for the help i provided~ aww :D

So anyway! Watched The Looper... not bad... 

psychic abilities and time-travel... 

is enough to make my brain think about the movie more than assignment. :D

6/10 cos.. it isnt that nice overall.. ahaha

and surprisingly my bestie actually likes an anime enough to watch with me. 

Since normally she doesnt watch animes.. hmm~ Tonari No Kaibutsu-kun
Though I'll admit, its the cutest romance anime this year :) 

Also tried the McD new Mcflurry! Milo Supreme Mcflurry~
mmmmm~ definitely worth the price.

Though, only if you're a coffee or milo fan only.

Oh and since i helped me out with most of her assignment, ii asked her to be my driver to run random errands. like, buying movie tickets and delivering stuff. ngehehehe! great friends like these are hard to find~ really. :)  

Although the first time through, passing up assignment, 

everyone in the class had their proposal rejected. 

and the second time through, 

everyone was overall emotional and over stressed.

Thursday, passed up my proposal and hope that the lect wont send it back to us again. We all hanged out at the art museum to see their design work / exhibition. Since end of next month / beginning of december, we'll be having ours as well.. D: 
joked around with friends and lecturer 
and then finally ended the stress of assignments. :) 

So the whole; up, down, left, right, driving round town, 

going to museum for art exhibition, etc. etc. was actually sorta fun.

And also i got to get Taylor Swift's RED album
which is hugeeee PLUS to my stressful mood at the time.
and I love every single song on the album! :D 

I also got to meet up with Pric throughout the entire chaos.. and even got myself into helping her in her assignment -__- in exchange for free meal, and going to a horror movie with me, yesterday (friday).

....

Friday~ went out with Ric, Shey and Pric for a horror movie...
SILENT HILL: REVELATION *squeals!*

Ahaha before that~~ 

pric was the one that picked me up at around 4:30..

loads of cars and rain and traffic jam~
and my mum forced me to use an umbrella :| 

We went walking around spring, scouting for a place to dine in~ 

ended up at the food court too.. western food again..

....

Anyway! after watching Pric torture her food to be edible by her, 

We walked around and then went up to MBO to meet Ric & Shey 

hmmm~~ so so~ Its no secret that I'm a fan of silent hill.
tho the game still scares me o.O

The movie not soo much.. ahaha! but damn, i love the storyline. 

And of course, Pyramid head 
& now my new love, Mannequin Monster! :D

yay~ pric said the spider reminded her of my drawings o.O 

Ric agreed too that it looked like my artwork too ~__~ 

I should keep in mind to go apply for a job at Konami.

Maybe I'll be able to start my own horror story series.:') that'd be awesome!....

SERIOUSLY AWESOME MANNEQUIN MONSTER
....

The fact that the person sitting on my left~ 

kept turning her head and forcing it onto the chair~

and the person on my right is covering his eyes with his shirt~

makes me feel like there were only 2 people actually watching the movie..

hmmm ahahaha! but its still fun :B

Overall, it was a great day yesterday~

after the movie, pric had her own plan for the night,
So for convenience, I hanged out with shey n ric instead.

So walked around spring,

then headed to McD for ice-cream...
but the machine was broken!  SAD!

....
Overall it was fun :) although,
hearing something I'd rather not know is sorta depressing~

But I'm glad I know now.
(referring to the bat-shit-crazy bitch my last post was about)

....

And with that I was completely prepared for my exam this morning.

Yes I only had 4hours of study,
but its enough for me to know I'll pass..

I'm like..
A Sim! having a good mood effects my studies/job performance!

ahahah! thats pretty much it, another exam for tomorrow.

Hopefully i'll pass. then I'd only have my final to be worried about :)

....

Yay! I'm graduating soon! 

Not sure if I want to.. but... yeah... :B

For your hatred and jealousy

Your childish behaviors remind me of me.. when i was like 13.. 

but you're a person reaching adulthood. 

You're a little too old to be going through this phrase aren't you? 

---------------------------------------------------------------

The person who was hurt, and feels the unfairness of the world. 

& then begins hurting and spreading rumors about those around her.

Out of jealousy, out of hate.

No matter how you look at it. 

To have such a break down at this age, would render you cold and alone. 

& the reality of it all will come crashing down on you, destroying you completely.

Your choices have been poor. & your thoughts are corrupted. 

You believe you deserve better, 

believe that a prince on a white horse will take you away. 

Hoping for someone, anyone to take you away from this place. 

But, my dear, a happy ending is not one beliefs can get you. 

It must be earned through hardship and sacrifice. 

Not jealousy nor selfishness. 

The life of an attention-seeker. 

The life on a hopeless patch.

The life that would ultimately lead you to ruin.

This is how the world works. 

Reality bites and it will never let go. 

You better be ready for it ;)

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It's actually kind of funny how you can get jealous of those who has friends.
and even funnier when you're spreading rumors but there is one being said about you.
Opps, your believe has betrayed you. and aiming me?
honestly, fine~ maybe i never cared about you enough as a friend.

I know you're hurt, i know you seek comfort. I know you dream of a happy ending.
But all you feel is sadness and depression. One which you drown out with everything you do.
You know you've changed when you were hurt by your ex. 

but I never did anything to you and there wasn't anything I could do to help you either.
but for you to feel the jealousy you feel, just because I hang out with my own friends.
Wow... just wow~ you've made me speechless beyond words.

This is the only time i'll feed your attention seeking. & my advice is,

1. Stay clear of me if you don't want any trouble.

2. This path you're on will destroy whatever chance of a future you still hope to have.

You better start choosing a better one, before you're destroyed.
3. Whatever goes around comes around, watch what you do, cos' it's slowing coming back around.
And the butterfly effect that it'll have,
will cause you pain a million times more than your heart can ever hope to handle.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Conflicted

ahahaha! I finally have a job~
a simple job, with simple pay.. okay.

But.. i prefer doing this, then anything direct selling .__.

So... I havent done much the past few days..
Been dying from searching online for a good multimedia project that I can do for my final assignment.. But it's harder than anticipated.. its crazy hard to find any good yet easy design..

Mood:
~STRESSED~

ahh.. sighhh~
Today I had an emotional breakdown.
Been a longgg time since I had one..

not sure if its overstressed or due to this conflicted emotions..
I guess at some point,
there's a piece of my heart somewhere that still cares for her.

Its like how~
even if u bury the feelings they still find someway to crawl their way back out of the heart somehow. and yes it's as gross as it sounds.
AHAHA~ But then.. I figured it out..
And I even found a song that resembled my conclusion.

And the lyrics that speaks was..

"When you said it's over, I lost my head! And now that we're older I'm giving up on being right, So I can see the other side of you!"

And that would be the grown up version of her, that at some point I admire.
Over the year she's really grown up.
And that's just amazing :)


And I'm starting to feel that maybe this semester wont be that bad. hopefully.


Hmm...
Sometimes I wonder if blogging is a good idea... writing out every emotion to every ups and every downs.. But i love writing.. so who cares~ and besides~ at least this way, when I grow old & die. At least there's still be a story of my life here online :)
Sorta like "The Notebook" :D

Anyway~

So here's my new theme song;

"To Be Loved" - "Train"




Finally met Virginia on a slow summer night
Thought I should forgive ya so I came back
You're a sight for sore eyes
Right for those lies
They saved me after all!

Right from the beginning we were wrong I found
But no one did it better baby pound for pound
Those heavyweight fights were right for me
To learn how to see the light clearly
And it's the light I see in you!

No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
What it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)

Now that things are better for me
I can laugh at all your other lovers
When you do the math
Does it make you feel sad,
Make you feel small?
Thank God it ain't about me anymore!

I'm not coming back for round two
I just wanna love you like a friend would do
You were wrong for the feelings you had
But the man that I was isn't coming back
So stay, it's OK!

No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
What it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)

When you said it's over
I lost my head!
And now that we're older
I'm giving up on being right
So I can see the other side of you!

No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
No, don't go
I'll show you what it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
when you said it's over
What is like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
I lost my head!
What it's like to be loved!
(ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da)
And now that we're older
What it's like, what it's like to be loved!

Yeah This Is Living But Without The Will.

Anyway first off, I got ric's Hard-disk,
got a bunch of new games to play n movies to watch...
If I have the time.. since I'm having my final project this semester.. sighh


Thursday was the first class of the final project.
Felt soo stress hearing about it..
need to use soo many programs,
soo many codes, soo much work.. ARGH!
and I still have no idea what to make yet!
Completely blank ...!




Yesterday was a public holiday..
i spent it doing research and playing a horror game.
yeahh.. playing a horror game on Chinese Ghost Independence Day Festival. HAH!
Then I got a headache n went to sleep.. Ahaha


& Today.. SATURDAY was my first Bahasa Kebangsaan class.. ARGH!
Surprisingly everyone in the class had the same level of Bahasa Malaysia as me! :D

BM Level: 0 ..

Which is good.. since its like.. oh good everyones a noobie not just me. :D
tho, i could tell that the lecturer was more stress. ahahaha
Our first work was to write an 350 word essay on..
"Tentang Diri Saya" (about myself)
boring, annoying, and everyone wrote it like.. a primary school student.
Yay~ No idea how i'm gonna pass this subject in the future exam. zz



In the afternoon..
It was quite interesting actually.


u know that awkward moment when uhmm..
You havent seen a person in a long time and they're studying to be a future teacher, then meet up watching an adult comedy (The Watch)


uhh yeahhhh.. AHAHAHA..

Long story short =
I had a date with the devil who surprisingly turned human over a year+


We didn't do much.. but it was nice really.. in a way.. i guess. :X

.
..
...
..
.

AHAHAHA! its like...

"We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time" - The Script


and.. I guess its good.. since I havent been out in a while..
( was stuck in a cave for one whole semester..!!! )

and it did get my mind off some things.. so.. THANKS :)


Hopefully we'd have the chance to go out again before I disappear... hmm..

Oh & This song is for you :D
tho.. i'm not sure if u'd changed ur taste in music d or wat.. :|


Lost in Paradise - Evanescence





I've been believing in something so distant
As if I was human
And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness
In me, in me

All the promises I made
Just to let you down
You believed in me, but I'm broken

I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise

As much as I'd like the past not to exist
It still does
And as much as I'd like to feel like I belong here
I'm just as scared as you

I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise

Run away, run away
One day we won't feel this pain anymore

Take it all away
Shadows of you
Cause they won't let me go

Until I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting

We've been falling for all this time
And now I'm lost in paradise

Alone, and lost in paradise




P.S/
The tomato mee shop u said last time we ate at, is around Jalan Kapor area. But i cant remember the shop name. LOL XD

There's a danger

Its decided that after studies i'm going to KL to work and eventually move to Japan. Its no longer a dream or a vision or a goal.. ITS A FACT :)

I miss Ayuko. I admit that.. and i know i admit it alot.But its the truth. No one I've met in this world was as strong as she was..Or at least no one I know lived as cheerful and pure as she did..Moving to Japan was always been my goal..I've always wanted to go there..

So.. no i'm not going because i met her. I'm going because.. I believe that there's something more for me there.A future there.. what meeting her would make me do tho.. is donate to cancer charity..heh.. tho i'm not sure how much charity actually helps the needy..Its something I might do in the future..

The future.. a scary thought it is..
I've always thought I could have a bright future..But the journey towards it is really dull.. I'm tired, i need a big push.. or something.. anything.. Like a million dollar cheque, so i dont need to spend the 2years in KL and insta-migrate to Japan. lol..

I need the fresh start... I need that reset button.. :) and hopefully my plan is that button for me.And HOPEFULLY it wont set off a bomb in my life :|

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AFA MY 2012 is coming up...
that's.. Anime Festival Asia: Malaysia 2012

This year its held at KL.. last year it was at Singapore..

AND DANG! i wish i could go..

but i found out about it too late... LOL if not i'd save up money to fly over there... T_T

They have a Japanese maid cafe, butler cafe there..and and~ Anisong concerts by Kalafina, Aimi, Maon Kurosaki, FLOW, KOTOKO, Sea☆A

Mitsuhisa Ishikawa, the producer who made,

"Ghost In The Shell (攻殻機動隊)"

and "Blood: The Last Vampire"

will be giving a talk on his life and experiences .__.

I WANNA GO ! :(

as well as Tomohiko Ishii

from Studio Ghibli and the assistant producer for famous titles, such as"Spirited Away (千と千尋の神隠し)", "The Cat Returns (猫の恩返し)"and "Howl's Moving Castle (ハウルの動く城)". all the classics xD

There'll also be of course COSPLAY! even the GM.Bibi from Garena is gonna go there in her cosplay ._.

Arghh~ i wanna go.. T__T Anime fan.. but cant go.. sad case..

Hopefully! I'll be able to go next year!where ever it's gonna be held .__.!

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"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and its sad when you know. It's your heart you cant trust."



Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough - Sun Yan Zi (孙燕姿)
Original song was by Patty Smyth back in the 90s.. but i prefer Sun Yan Zi's cover best..

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Dr.Seuss The Lorax

Last night well.. tis morning 2am. i couldnt sleep.. So I watched one of the movie i downloaded, Dr.Seuss The Lorax.Its a cute movie with great storyline.. :) I also like the quote from Dr.Seuss at the end..

"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

I love that quote.. cos its really true... people nowadays simply dont care about anything anymore. Me included. ahaha its sad .__. but i loved the movie.. its meaningful enough. And it gave me a 2nd fav quote by Dr.Seuss.. The first one of course being;

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


Dont ever change who you are no matter what.. You're perfect... everyone is :)

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Reading your blog post now, makes me feel.. relieved. I used to have a crush on you a long time ago, well of course i did. why wouldnt I? You were always an amazing girl. Hahax~ but I knew I would never be good enough for you.. and I know I still am not.. But I'm glad that your life is looking out better. :) I may not be as 'holy' or on fire for God as i used to be after my lastest relationship.. And yet, I believe that God will still bless you and your family abundantly.

God bless :) 

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A blog is a place to express anything you want to..
and anything that you feel. Nothing others think would have to matter..
That's how my blog is.. you can think of me whatever way you want..
But it doesn't change the fact that.. It is a fraction of who I really am.. 
At least I dont lie to myself everyday and keep true to who I am ;)

Peace and Love my readers... :)

Haunting Memories

Memories..
This post is just a shard of the past I wish to record.
They haunt my thoughts and i guess writing it out would be better.. maybe

Lately I feel like i've been distant...
like extremely far away from everyone i use to know.

But i remember them, i remember each and every one of them very well..
And to think most things that happen in my life is due to the internet. ahaha

I remember when i was like 11, when i first got on the social site: Neopets.
That's where I learnt most of the stuff i know now..

I remember meeting Evenex, a japanese girl living in the NZ..
her and her friends in the anime guild, taught me soo much on animes.. :|
then at the neopets message board i met,

Jeanjadeonguitar whose a very awesome girl from the UK.
she was also kinda like my first girlfriend, lol if it actually counts.. not really sure since I was still kinda too young to understand much.. but there were a lot of drama and with the hacking of her account, we were left with no communication.. tho somehow i wish i could still contact her.. :\

I also met Annaangel, a girl from australia who was really upbeat and energetic. fun girl to chat with.. lost contact with her long time ago tho..

I also met Meg and Melia who were also australian.. both ended up being my foster sisters. lol! they're both amazing girls actually. :) but dont contact them anymore.

Case was an american who was into the whole emo stuff.. and also into Roleplaying. she was the one who taught me how to write n roleplay in the forums and roleplaying boards... a few months after meeting her, she lost her life to pressure and personal problems .__.

mikilove who was a fan of everything japanese and from m'sia as well.. she was actually my first real foster big sis :) she taught me loads..

got on friendster. then i met mikilove's friend Aaveli, whose a very creative gal who know stuff like art and photoshop and stuff...

that was during my teenage time, i got into the whole emo, dark, goth phase of life.

I also met Zoe, off friendster if i'm not mistaken. m'sian, and also a fellow blogger. ahaha :) she became one of my best friends even though we never chat much. she's still an awesome person! :D

and also Lynnds, m'sian. :) i love how she send my a postcard and a keychain! (though the keychain was stolen by the postman :\ ) but its the thought that counts! and she's just a truly amazing person! she's also another person who's been one of my close friends for a long time... that we pretty much havent been contacting lately :(

I got a youtube account met, Kyuuka, who taught/show the basic of anime music video editing.

Eventually all this got me into the whole Visual Kei (japanese rock) love~

Got into gaming, animes, video editing, music and pretty much just isolating myself from the whole world..

Played auditionSEA met an awesome Singaporean girl on there, Wen. who was in polytechnic at the time and does 3D design and stuff :) I still have the christmas postcard she send to me... along with the @cash clothes she gave on my bday on Audition.. ahaha! ahh~ stuff like these make me feel so old now! :| we stopped contacting a long time ago too..

That was when i was a teenager, i din have any real friends in real life.. lol..

mostly just online...

I then met Adel , my brother's friend's sister through.
who was the same age as me, and became my best friend, she's the only one i think that still contacts me just as much as she did back then.

I met her friend kiwi, who eventually i got into a relationship with..
but then after a while we just broke apart..

I was having my family problem at that time too.. and i was still very emotional. so yeahhhh..
We contact less n less and now we barely even contact at all..

my 2nd real life girlfriend was TCH, she was an amazing girl, into anime drawing.. I adored her, i admired her.. a relationship bought off by chocolates and a manga book.
but we were young, and things ended worse than bad..
only recently we started contacting again... abit at least.

When i was 16.. it was also then that i made my group of friends of which i still hang out with right now.

actually, tats when i met my bestfriend too. my Blurfriend.
i didnt know she would become my bestie at all at first..
She's like totally awesome and retro. Vintage even. Our friendship was actually kinda up and down in its own way, and sorta weird but still interesting at the time xD She's the kind of girl whose into Sepia photos, rainbow umbrellas, cute things, dresses, high heels, sweets and is somewhat blur yet very understanding. But all in all, she is an amazing girl.. and remains as my first real best friend in real life. :) Although we dont actually contact much anymore... the time we did, is worth more than anything.
ahaha! u're awesome BF! ;)

I also met a girl from the afternoon session who uses the same class i use in the morning session in secondary school... surprisingly JessieL, use to goto the same tuition as me as well as the primary and secondary school, we started contacting cos we shared the same table in the morning n afternoon session. we would actually vandalize the school table with our artworks to communicate with one another. x) it was a fun experience and one i really miss!! we ended up being the best of foster siblings and altho life as drifted her across the sea for studies, we still remain close friends

I got into my 3rd real relationship when i was 17...
it was probably the best year of my life.. ahaha.. the entire up and down process was tiresome, stressful, rewarding and overall amazing.
I dont know how to put it.. it was just a great experience to have, despite the bad ending :\ uhmm din contact for a while after the whole thing..

there are also the people i meet in church of which i truly care, admire, lookup to and adore. the ones that really boosted my confidence in life. although I might have overstep my boundary most of the time, I'm grateful to have had the chance to spend those moments of my life with them.
It was fun, and the memories will forever remain pure...
I stopped contacting with them as well..

actually after that breakup I became more distant with the people around me even more..

I met Destiny online as well, she was a very energetic, cute girl, whose always misunderstood or taken advantage of. or at least from my view. she became one of my best friends tho! I dont know how that happened but yeah. she's into gaming and anime and now deciding to join cosplay club or not? ue shud definitely go for it! ahahaha.. she's still one of my best friend now and actually still keeps in contact :D

I met JiaCheng ( i dunno how to pinyin properly ) ahaha.. another amazing girl. who although is only younger than me by 3months calls me big bro. from Sabah~ :D and currently works at Singapore. I dont really know her that well.. but I can tell that she's a strong girl who can do whatever she wants to ^^

I met Zianne on fb. :) one of my best friend at the time. into the whole cosplay, anime, emogoth, jrock fandom! :D totally awesome.. at the time she was like a complete role model to me .__. ahaha just awesome.. although... we seem to be contacting less and less... cant be helped i guess..

I also met Momo, a girl who was suffering from depression at Japan.
a cute and creative little girl, whose been through more than the average people. a person who could've become more sinister and dark than i use to be. o__o but i'm glad throughout the time we chat, she was able to get better in time.. and have a happy life now? :)  one of my fav person, even tho we dont contact much anymore. :(

Sora added me on fb via the random friend finder thingy.. he was an interesting person. and also the 4th Japanese i met online ahahax~ a very good looking guy with great personality. actually i think all japanese have great personality o__o or at least the ones thats got internet.. heh..
and to find that he actually know Zianne, was interesting.. its like fate.

Sora's sister Ayuko added me on fb soon after, we would then become friends and chat about actually..
anything and everything. she was an easy person to talk to.. we got into a long distant relationship, at the time i guess i didn't know what i was getting myself into, but it was also like nothing could feel more like destiny than that moment... I admired her. she was adventurous, kind, innocent, loving and just strong. a person who lived life to the fullest with no regrets. Her personality were traits I always 

admired. she was everything I had been looking for. :) and to have met her was just amazing.

but after Ayuko's passing.. I just drew myself even more further away from the people around me.

I always.. ALWAYS keep myself away from the people around me when i feel horrible. I dont know why, its just the way i am i guess... or maybe its just something life taught me.

But one thing i do know is.. although I dont stay in contact with everyone as much anymore, doesnt mean I forget about them.. there are actually alot of people that isn't mentioned here..

Actually the people mentioned here are mostly only the friends i met through the internet and caused a huge impact in my life even if in just a small way.

I do know one thing, I love music, and thats the one thing that every one on this post have in common.. ahahax everyone has more or less the same taste in music i like~ :)

I love my friends, each and every one of them.

I love my life, although there are parts i wish i could change.... but its still life..

And when the time comes, I will leave this country and find myself a new life to lead fully..

I dont know where, when or how..

But I believe there are greater things for me out in the world.
which is why.. in a way i dont get too close to the people around me..

I dont want to have to feel regret when I'm leaving this place..
I dont want to have to feel like i have a reason to stay.
I just want to leave it all behind and start a new life...

Its hard to understand, I'm hard to understand. I dont even understand myself.

But I know that, everything happens for a reason. Although sometimes the way it happens seems completely wrong or just completely in-comprehensive but thats just the way it is..

I understand now.. and its with this post, i lay my memories here..
forever safe kept within my blog domain and to never haunt my nights again.

At some point i guess i still wish i could spend time with everyone..
Singing through the phone, Dancing on an online game, Walking from Star cineplex to 3rd mile, drinking chocolate milkshake at our hangout, shopping for gives, sharing icecream at the local icecream store, walking under the pouring rain, storytelling on a forum/board, writing back to back storyblogs, exchanging artwork through vandalism, communicating through music, art and pictures.. etc. etc. etc...

ahh~ i miss it~ But then.. i guess that's why they are special to me..
Cos they are memories with certain people at a certain time that will make me remember them forever. :)


I am a multimedia artist, i work online and with my computer.

And the internet. is my domain~ :B