Return of the lost

Its been soo long since I last posted anything on here.

I always come back after a hiatus though.. my blog is my hiding place i guess.

Yesterday night I was looking back at all the artworks i designed back in 2004 to 2011

The time when I did design for my neopets
and friendster (before it turned into a gaming zone) profiles aha..

 

up to the time of secondary school when my blog was titled; Cybex's Den.

and now the college works of today.

I cant even imagine how much my artwork had evolve over the years.

How innocent I was back then..

how emotional I was over little things and how it fuel me to always become better.

the way how I use to do design of God and Christianity to fuel my faith and hope.

The way I use to believe that dreams were possible,

The way I use to believe in plans and goals and hope for an amazing future life.

The way ----

The way all that went away as years past..

The innocence faded the hope dwindled, the faith disappeared.

The moment when the dreams and visions begin to blur..

and all that's left is a plastic shell.

A shell that makes me just like everybody else..

"no no NO! I dont wanna be another plastic people in this world.

I'm unique, I'm strong, I'm better, I'm powerful.

I can rule the world with a snap of my fingers.

With God by my side I can do all things."

is what i would say a couple years back..

Now...
 I dont even view any problem in being normal or neutral..

I don't even know what happened along the way..

Did I grew up? or did I just lost myself?

Was it due to an event that I fell into this zone?

or has it been happening slowly everytime i pushed people away?

Is this fate? destiny? or just reality.

I cant comprehend anymore,

all I wish is the innocence of the past,

the simple, no worries past..

where my mind and were free

free to love. to learn. anything and everything.

without having it being corrupt or end in pain.

What has happen to the world I was born in?
What happen to all the people, 
who use to blog about their lives with their links on my blog.
What happen to msn, 
with all my online friends who taught me everything about design.

What happen to the world today..
that all I ever knew has disappeared.

What happen to the love of art and music.
Sighhhh~

How did the sounds of Rain, BoA, DBSK can now corrupted by synthesized voices in modern Kpop.

How did the Boybands of the past die out and all we have left now are singing children.

How did Popstars that promote trends, beauty and sexuality became modern satanist.

How did the beautiful art of words and love novels now be cursed with stories about office sex.

No seriously, 

The world is plundering into chaos every passing second..

and it's just depressing how the world is now filled with;
Racism, Corruption, Greed, Hate, War, Pain, Misery, Pride...

I'm tired of it all.. I wanna turn back time..

Take me back back back to the way it was..

Let me be the way I once was..

Love the way I did.

Creative the way I was.

and take me away from this hole..

because.. I simply cant relate to this place any longer...

I just.. want a friend who'd understand these feelings I do :\

and now I'm rambling again.. ahah

oh well.. that's all for now..

*~*~Peace & Love readers!~*~*

Light your own path

Words for you I'd never say.

Care towards you, you'd never know.

Love for you, you'd will never understand.

Reasons to give and the reasons to hold.

Hopes forgotten, by the dwindling faith of the soul.

Forward you go or backward you slide.

Stuck in this hole of self pity will be your demise.

Fear of emotions and fear of the world.
Will bind you to this forever my dear.

So why wont you step out before it's too late,

All you have to do is follow the light.

And it will lead you to a place where everything'll be alright.

Fragments of darkness

I seem to have found myself losing fragments of time..

Alas its the final week before the end of February.

It's as if the time flew by without me noticing.

I spent the CNY at my bro's new house, which was interesting to say the least.

But as usual being 11years of age apart makes my conversation with him feels stale..

I guess we just have different way of thinking, different way of life.

That aside, I quit-ed my semi-part-time-job..

due to having to start my internship in another company next month.

oh well, at least I received a bonus. aha!

I guess there isn't much for me to say really..

I've just been dragging on my life day by day,

and at this point in life, I'm stuck wondering what i'm doing..

and is the future I'm aiming for, the right future?

will it be fruitful? and would I be able to stick to it till the end without falter?

I'm losing time but there just isn't anything for me to put down..

Life has slowly becoming dull to me as I reach into the dark veil of adulthood.

It's the year I'll turn 21.. :\

- The Engulfing Darkness-

No.. I do not wish to grow old.

Not now.. I wanna be young,
I wanna be free, I wanna be eternal.

This world, I feel is not the world I've hoped to be in..

It has lost it's spark, it's marvel, it's reason to exist..

All the mysteries and wonders of the past are lost in a time long gone..

The future is now, the future is near..

and I dread it so..

Technology's advancement would ultimately be the end of the human race.

And as much as I know I would be part of the advancement..

I do not wish to be so..

I wish to live in a time.. a simpler time..
where all people wanted to do was to survive..

Not a materialized world where people no longer value life..

Not a world where people dont even have the decency or intellect to understand;

that once you're dead..
none of these material things and technology is gonna save you nor go with you into the afterlife.

The world now is no longer shrouded in darkness..

The world has already taken the darkness within them..

It's a time when people embrace the dark, the pain, the suffering..

A time when rebellions and physical war has no limits nor meaning.

Death would be at a rise and people just wont care..

A selfish world where everyone believe their own cause to be righteous..

A world engulfed in darkness, with no savior..

This is the future.. I'm imagined it, I've dreamed it.. I've seen it.

It is inevitable.. unavoidable..

and I am forced to play my part in it..

Oh to be able to see the ending days of the human species..

It's breathtaking.. and oh so.. depressing..

It's a future I do not wish to face..

I'd rather be living the dark ages of knights and crusades..

a time when people can actually choose their own sins.. their own fates.

and not be condemned along with the entire planet.

or in the time of 1800-1900s,

when the darkness was but in the emotions and dreaded souls of writers and poets.

And wars that shape the countries and nations to build the world we have today..

All those people in the past shaped the world into it's perfect state..

and all our generation does is condemned it and destroyed it..

with technology and greed..

It is clear that the darkness that was once unseen..
has made it's way to the souls of our race..

and now to the hearts and spirit of the world..

There's no longer any hope..

and I'm just forced to drag my life on.

on and on it goes...

and when the it stops.. everything stops..

I'll just have to make it on my own..

and hope the world sees it's error before its too late..

I'll end my rambling with the Sith Empire (star wars) teachings..

"Peace is a lie. There is only Passion.

Through Passion, I gain Strength.

Through Strength, I gain Power.

Through Power, I gain Victory.

And through Victory, My chains are broken."

I will defeat this dark demon.

even if the world is condemned for their sins.

I will arise victorious against this dark times.

Liar Liar

I love this song~ and it resembles all the things i wanna say.. aha

You go it all, go it all down
Down to a science
Breakin hearts is what you do for fun,
Little one

But see,
I wrote it all down, wrote it all down in a song
I'll break you're heart in just three minutes now
Look who won

Yeah, i'm moving on
But that's the way it goes
When you break my heart
Everybody knows
Don't pull that shit again,

For me now, but i'm building up
I can see that i've had enough of you
I'm finally through

And all I see in you
Is another mistake over my shoulder
Now I see who you are
All I saw in you
Was a girl just lookin for love
Now all I need is an apology,
Is that too much?

Everybody's talkin about how you're not the girl
That you say you are
With that deceiving little smile
And your black hole of denial
I'm not the least bit surprised
That your whole wide world
Is crashing down right before my eyes

And all I see in you
Is another mistake over my shoulder
Now I see who you are
All I saw in you
Was a girl just lookin for love
Now all I need is an apology,

And all I see in you
Is another mistake over my shoulder
Now I see who you are
All I saw in you
Was a girl just lookin for love
Now all I need is an apology,
Is that too much?!

Disappointing..

"In the hearts of the blind, something you'll never find is a vision of light."


So.. again I haven't been blogging in a while.. ahaha but I always come back..

This place of solace & solitude.
Behind every word is a story that no one can comprehend.
I haven't done anything productive in a while now.
I'm going to start my internship in March..
Then i'd be free and awaiting graduation.
so now.. i'm just gonna start rambling about life.



----------------Part1----------------

I hate how fast time flies,
I wanna go back, way back in time to a time where life isn't soo complicated.
But alas, such wishes are impossible within this world's reality... or is it?

In the end,
all I have left is this wanting, this.. desire.
I want to be someone new, I want to meet someone new, I want to goto a secret place, I want to have adventure and excitement, I want to die and be born again, I WANT a reset button for my life.

It's funny how as we grow we learn, but what we learn would never be applicable again.
Like if we did something that hurt us and we learned how to overcome it, it never happens again.
Because our self-conscious is having us never to enter such situations again.
What then are these experiences for?

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know what is there to live for?
or what anyone is living for. Or the whole point of being alive at all.
Everyone in the world is always looking for the divine meaning of their lives.
Is there a meaning? is there an answer?
I doubt it.

Religion? friends? career? achievements? goals?
what does any of this adds up to in the end?
Death. There is only death at the end.

What's the point of living?
The journey itself is the point of living, to experience all forms of highs and lows.
All the pain and suffering and the joyous moments.

Is that it? is that all? just for the mere experience of being alive?
I thought they'd be more.. there has to be more..

But there doesn't seem to be anymore,
This seems to be all life is... just an experience.


Personally, I feel that living a life, not worth it at all..
& what's worse is that half the people living in this world are making life even less worth living for.
Oh how the mighty has fallen. People grow weaker & darker each passing day.

What hope is there left in the human race?
If this is how life is gonna be, then its all it'll ever be...
It is what humans make it to be... life is a disappointment..

I guess it's time for me to stop lazing and questioning such meaningless questions.
And just put myself out there and burst into the crowd with new ideas and confidence..
ahaha probably not... no not me..

I'll just continue to observe and see how these people around me choose to live for now.
It's often entertaining to see how people make choices and meet the consequences of their actions.

As it is entertaining to know that they'll all regret it one day,
and they'll start realizing that life could have been better if they'd known how to lived it properly.



----------------Part2----------------

Tortured minds, tortured bodies, tortured souls.. that's all that's left of humans.

It would appear that I've found my own form of enlightenment..
Not in light nor in darkness but in knowledge and understanding.
aha... but perhaps not everyone would view my thoughts as such..


I truly wonder.. Will there ever be anything that'd excite me in my life..?
& Oh how I hope I live to see this world evolve..

Aliens? Zombies? Demons? Angels?
Robots? Solar Flares? Ragnarok? Apocalypse? Armageddon?

The end of the world...?

Aha.. I think it's in everyone's minds to believe that the end will come.
As life is just soo meaningless to be lived now..
All that's left in the minds of men is death of the world..
The more they believed, the higher chance it is of it become reality..

Like how Black Magic works with believes of the souls and minds..
Like how Chi is a believe and mindset of the monks & martial artists that channels it in their souls..
Like how believers cry in the intense atmosphere of a holy ground.
Like how with just a focus of the mind a person can bend spoons and forks.
The human mind & soul is the power beyond this world..
The gateway to an alternate reality.

Oh.. how did human race ended up using their minds to create meaningless things.
and believe in the end of life, out of all things..
Too bad... it's soo sad...
Just how low has the human race gotten within the last few hundred years?
If any of the people from the 18th - 19th century were to see us now..
They'd be looking at us with such disgust..

Humans discovered fire within the early stages of the world..
To look back and think that, the people of the past created..

Fire - Light - Electricity - Communication - Travel - Weapons - and all forms of technology..
To the point where.. all we're doing now is creating new versions of old things?

Oh gawd! how corrupted are the minds of humans now..
How can the human race that once took on the impossibility of this world and make it reality.
Come to being.. an update of softwares and phones?
Why is there no teleportation, no power suits, no cure for cancer..?
is there no longer any creativity left in the minds of men?
is this how the world is to end?

It'd be tragic..
truly tragic for the world to end at the time when the human race are at their lowest form.
In my eyes, i see.. how the world.. society and the evil hearts of the human race,
has completely and utterly destroyed and removed any hope of evolution in themselves.

There's nothing left... nothing left in anyone of us..
How cruel a fate it is.. for me to have been born in a time when my beliefs and creativity would not be recognized nor understood by my peers...

Sickening it is....
dreadfully sickening..

Welcome 2013

Today is the first day of the new year...

Happy New Year everyone!

The past year has been... I guess a more amazing year than I'd imagine..

I never thought that, I'd ever get over my depression..

But somehow I managed.

In a way, going to church today/yesterday (31/12/2012)
made me realize why her passing was such a pain to me..

When I should've just cherished the memories and be happy.

It hurt mainly because I was unable to grasp the fact that someone so good could die so young.

But I finally realized that, in its own way this experience will allow me to always remember her
as the one person that was and always had been good to me.

We never fought, we never argued, we never disagreed.

We never met and may never meet, but we were there for one another.

Till the end.. and I should've been able to understand that early on.

But I didn't, so.. yeah.. I'm thankful for the memories we shared. :)

I actually met quite a number of new friends last year, as well as mending old ties :)

gotta say, It feels good to actually have people to be around..

I mean usually I prefer to be alone.. still do, but.. a little company is needed sometimes..

So yeah.. anyway I spent the night watching an anime movie with my mum.

The Secret World Of Arrietty 

It's by Studio Gihbli and Co-produced by Disney.

It's a story about little people.. :) and I gotta say, it reminds me of my Childhood..

You know how children fairytales would tell stories of little people who lived in shoes,

or how a climbing up a giant beanstalk would lead one to a giant city.

Those magical fairytales that people like me grew up listening/watching/read to.

It was what set up our beautiful creativity of all the children from different generations in the past..

So anyway, I love these kinds of stories still..

and I love the soundtrack in this movie.

9/10 :)

The end of the year has made me realize that I'm officially getting older.

And it's sad to see that the generation after mine...

My generation of people being the Creative, Independent, Self-Righteous, Over-Confident, Slightly-emotional, suicidal, dreamy & visionaries.. are going to eventually grow up into society.

And the newer generation would be taken over by the

materialistic, short-sighted, selfish, greedy, distasteful little kids.

:\ hmm.. talk about a generation gap! :O

ahahaha.. makes me wonder what my big brother's children are gonna be like o.O

But it's good ya know, it's like saying the people from my generation should be the ones to..

Create, write, show and share the fantasy world... Happy beginnings and happy endings of a fairytale world.

Or at least that's what I wanna do..

To create a story where good does triumph over evil, through true love and courage.
With mystical creatures and a magic world... one that would completely reshape the imagination of humanity.

Perfect...

Okayy~ so my dream is a little over the top.. but mehhhh~~
anyway.. I feel alot better about 2012 than I thought it was... ahaha

With hopes of a better year..
I wish everyone a
HAPPY 2013 NEW YEAR!!! 

Numb

I went to watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2.

The other day with my friends. It was really nice! :)

I just simply love the Jasper and Alice coupling.. I wish I could have relationship like them :\

uhmm yeahh.. hmm.. I also gotta say,

Bella/Kristen Steward is definitely more attractive as a blood craving, super strong, red-eyed, sparkle-in-the-sun vampire than a human being.. hehehe

The movie to me personally, is a great ending to the saga.

even Aro the head of the Volturi was cool. 

yeah... the epicly stupid "no danger here" face. ahahaha

I LOL when I saw his face like this..

Overall I liked everything, 

It wasnt GREAT but it was Good enough. :)

I love all the different vampires and their abilities in this one too..

9/10 :) 

---------------------------------------------------------

Next up is Rise Of The Guardians.

The animated cartoon where the Guardians save the world from the Darkness

The Guardians Includes -

North (Santa Claus), Bunny (Easter Bunny), Sandy (Sand Man), Tooth (Tooth Fairy)

And the main character, new guardian recruit;

Jack Frost 

and the evil is the Boogeyman known as, Pitch Black !!!

So I dont normally watch cartoon unless they really catch my eye..

this did.. and I didnt regret watching it, Pitch Black is just an awesome villain :D

and i likey the script they wrote for him :)

stuff like;

"So sweet, so full of hope, there's only one thing missing. A touch of fear."or

"That dream is over. It time for fear to rule the world"

So yeah... a master of darkness who turns dreams into nightmares, and hopes into fears.

definitely an awesome villain :D

and I can totally relate to Pitch. always feeling like an outcast :(

no one believes in him, unwanted to the point where all he feels in hatred.

Such anger and depression definitely does bring a person to wanting to make the world fear them.

Of course good always win against evil... but hey, its still a nice movie.

 I rate this;

9/10
Dreamworks has definitely improved with storyline and animation ever since they released

"How To Train Your Dragon"

---------------------------------------------------------

The Cycle

So its been a long time since I last posted.
Been extremely busy finishing up my final and the exhibition thingy.
but with all the time spent breaking my skull for ideas, it wasn't without its rewards.
I guess through experiences like this is when I realize how strong I can be individually.
Independent Design Practice, definitely thought me how to be more independent.
Although my final work was still lagging in areas, it was good enough for me.
I got to really connect with myself, reflect on the people around me.
and found out where my creativity lies.
I can just feel my soul slowly crawling its way back into the dark abyss,
Where all these imaginations were born in me..

When I was doing my final, i broke down.. alot of times.
unsure of what i'm living for, or what was the point of me finishing my studies.
or where my future lies, or if this would be my future.
reflecting on the friends I've made in this course.
and finally letting go of it all.
The past 2 years, I've lived my life as distant from people as I possibly can.
I'm not good at farewells, I'll just tell you goodbye or leave without saying a word.
I'm tired of thinking, talking, feeling..
Everything just feels so out of place for me..
Nothing ever goes the way it should,
how much simpler life would be if it did.

But upon finishing my final, I took refuge in the circle of friends.
But alas, through all the pain and depression I've went through the past 2 months.
I finally found myself. A person I once lost. A person I once was.
A person I've grown to become.

I choose Solitude.The endless joy of Isolation.
feel no more of the world around me.
numb is my heart that I choose nothing more.
nevermore. forevermore. nevermore.
I choose to forget and to be forgotten.
forevermore, evermore. nevermore.
living like a shadow in the night of spring.
I will be the one, the immortal one.
the one that will live forevermore.

SHIAWASE!

This week has been an "awesome" week~ 

lol hanged out with Callie almost the entire week. 

Doing the damn impossible to do proposal of our final assignment.

Actually, we've been doing it for like 2 weeks plus.. 

means constantly eating out D: my money!

and also.. random stuff like going to the cineplex and going kbox.

but all of that and the, McD Burgers, McFlurries, Pizza, Cheesebaked Rice, Nasi Lemak, Sushi, etc. etc. consumed within those 2 weeks were all entirely for stress relieve~~  

its like burning money D: but worth it. :X

Worse for Callie since she bought a new Domo tissue box. 

& paid for some of my meals, cos she's an awesome friend! 

& cos she was grateful for the help i provided~ aww :D

So anyway! Watched The Looper... not bad... 

psychic abilities and time-travel... 

is enough to make my brain think about the movie more than assignment. :D

6/10 cos.. it isnt that nice overall.. ahaha

and surprisingly my bestie actually likes an anime enough to watch with me. 

Since normally she doesnt watch animes.. hmm~ Tonari No Kaibutsu-kun
Though I'll admit, its the cutest romance anime this year :) 

Also tried the McD new Mcflurry! Milo Supreme Mcflurry~
mmmmm~ definitely worth the price.

Though, only if you're a coffee or milo fan only.

Oh and since i helped me out with most of her assignment, ii asked her to be my driver to run random errands. like, buying movie tickets and delivering stuff. ngehehehe! great friends like these are hard to find~ really. :)  

Although the first time through, passing up assignment, 

everyone in the class had their proposal rejected. 

and the second time through, 

everyone was overall emotional and over stressed.

Thursday, passed up my proposal and hope that the lect wont send it back to us again. We all hanged out at the art museum to see their design work / exhibition. Since end of next month / beginning of december, we'll be having ours as well.. D: 
joked around with friends and lecturer 
and then finally ended the stress of assignments. :) 

So the whole; up, down, left, right, driving round town, 

going to museum for art exhibition, etc. etc. was actually sorta fun.

And also i got to get Taylor Swift's RED album
which is hugeeee PLUS to my stressful mood at the time.
and I love every single song on the album! :D 

I also got to meet up with Pric throughout the entire chaos.. and even got myself into helping her in her assignment -__- in exchange for free meal, and going to a horror movie with me, yesterday (friday).

....

Friday~ went out with Ric, Shey and Pric for a horror movie...
SILENT HILL: REVELATION *squeals!*

Ahaha before that~~ 

pric was the one that picked me up at around 4:30..

loads of cars and rain and traffic jam~
and my mum forced me to use an umbrella :| 

We went walking around spring, scouting for a place to dine in~ 

ended up at the food court too.. western food again..

....

Anyway! after watching Pric torture her food to be edible by her, 

We walked around and then went up to MBO to meet Ric & Shey 

hmmm~~ so so~ Its no secret that I'm a fan of silent hill.
tho the game still scares me o.O

The movie not soo much.. ahaha! but damn, i love the storyline. 

And of course, Pyramid head 
& now my new love, Mannequin Monster! :D

yay~ pric said the spider reminded her of my drawings o.O 

Ric agreed too that it looked like my artwork too ~__~ 

I should keep in mind to go apply for a job at Konami.

Maybe I'll be able to start my own horror story series.:') that'd be awesome!....

SERIOUSLY AWESOME MANNEQUIN MONSTER
....

The fact that the person sitting on my left~ 

kept turning her head and forcing it onto the chair~

and the person on my right is covering his eyes with his shirt~

makes me feel like there were only 2 people actually watching the movie..

hmmm ahahaha! but its still fun :B

Overall, it was a great day yesterday~

after the movie, pric had her own plan for the night,
So for convenience, I hanged out with shey n ric instead.

So walked around spring,

then headed to McD for ice-cream...
but the machine was broken!  SAD!

....
Overall it was fun :) although,
hearing something I'd rather not know is sorta depressing~

But I'm glad I know now.
(referring to the bat-shit-crazy bitch my last post was about)

....

And with that I was completely prepared for my exam this morning.

Yes I only had 4hours of study,
but its enough for me to know I'll pass..

I'm like..
A Sim! having a good mood effects my studies/job performance!

ahahah! thats pretty much it, another exam for tomorrow.

Hopefully i'll pass. then I'd only have my final to be worried about :)

....

Yay! I'm graduating soon! 

Not sure if I want to.. but... yeah... :B

For your hatred and jealousy

Your childish behaviors remind me of me.. when i was like 13.. 

but you're a person reaching adulthood. 

You're a little too old to be going through this phrase aren't you? 

---------------------------------------------------------------

The person who was hurt, and feels the unfairness of the world. 

& then begins hurting and spreading rumors about those around her.

Out of jealousy, out of hate.

No matter how you look at it. 

To have such a break down at this age, would render you cold and alone. 

& the reality of it all will come crashing down on you, destroying you completely.

Your choices have been poor. & your thoughts are corrupted. 

You believe you deserve better, 

believe that a prince on a white horse will take you away. 

Hoping for someone, anyone to take you away from this place. 

But, my dear, a happy ending is not one beliefs can get you. 

It must be earned through hardship and sacrifice. 

Not jealousy nor selfishness. 

The life of an attention-seeker. 

The life on a hopeless patch.

The life that would ultimately lead you to ruin.

This is how the world works. 

Reality bites and it will never let go. 

You better be ready for it ;)

---------------------------------------------------------------

It's actually kind of funny how you can get jealous of those who has friends.
and even funnier when you're spreading rumors but there is one being said about you.
Opps, your believe has betrayed you. and aiming me?
honestly, fine~ maybe i never cared about you enough as a friend.

I know you're hurt, i know you seek comfort. I know you dream of a happy ending.
But all you feel is sadness and depression. One which you drown out with everything you do.
You know you've changed when you were hurt by your ex. 

but I never did anything to you and there wasn't anything I could do to help you either.
but for you to feel the jealousy you feel, just because I hang out with my own friends.
Wow... just wow~ you've made me speechless beyond words.

This is the only time i'll feed your attention seeking. & my advice is,

1. Stay clear of me if you don't want any trouble.

2. This path you're on will destroy whatever chance of a future you still hope to have.

You better start choosing a better one, before you're destroyed.
3. Whatever goes around comes around, watch what you do, cos' it's slowing coming back around.
And the butterfly effect that it'll have,
will cause you pain a million times more than your heart can ever hope to handle.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Morning~

hmm I just watched

ROCK OF AGES (2012)

and I can say that is by far one of my favorite musical now!

First off, rock music is awesome~

~WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL~

secondly, russell brand is funny~ and tom cruise singing rock songs is epic~

thirdly, i love and know all the songs in the movie of which i ended up singing along to.

fourthly, it sparked back the poet in me to write! :D

it is an amazing movie, if u like music, partying, cool outfits, tom cruise as a rockstar, or just enjoy watching a fun relaxing movie then its a great movie.

8/10 
for me :D

--------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a million stories I can tell,
 Written from the miles I've walked in life.
But as far as all these stories go.
None is better than the story of you and I.

No~ It's not just a story,
It's a tragic tale,
of two lovers who fell out of love.
And into desperation.

In the darkness,
we found emptiness that broke our hearts.
and LOVE no longer lingers in this place.
and all we can do is just pray for the best day...
the best day.. the best of you and I...
 the best of you and I.

 -Aaron

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~I LOVE CATS NOW~
and wants to own an angora odd-eye cat in the future :') 

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Haruka Kudo from Morning Musume

hmm.. I do believe I've acquired a lolita fetish :O

roflmao! ahahaha kidding kidding~ :)

She's Haruka Kudo, one of the newer/youngest member (age:13) of the group Morning Musume and I find her adorable. AS IN, If i were to have a daughter some day. I'd want her to be just as adorable as tis girl~ 

Anyway~ random stuff aside~
lately i've been listening to this all-girl group;
Morning Musume

It's a female group that's been going on for the past 11generations
(with members age from 13 - 24)

Winners of the morning musume singing competition would join the group. 

and those older generations would ''graduate'' and be their own artist
(in other words i guess they get promoted and start their own group)

I actually admire how they're all such good dancers o.O even at a young age. 

and the fact that they're all from different age group but are able to cooperate and mix so well.. hmm..

So uhh anyway! this is their latest song playing on my blog 

The video is short preview version/promotion ver, means it's not with the final edit ver and also not the full dance ver. ahaha! cant wait for the full ver! (and the close-up ver. :X)

Seasons come and seasons go...

I feel like I've been stuck in a hole the last few days..
I haven't done anything productive and not sure why..
and I guess I've been feeling emotional and having too many thoughts running through my head.
I need an escape or at least a day to reduce the stress level abit..

Well anyway,
Been chatting with my beloved blurfriend the last couple of days.
I missed her soo muchie! though we still cant meet up anytime soon :(
Still its nice to chat with someone who has the similar taste in movie, songs and style i do. :)
You know, chatting about the whole vintage style with indie music and romance movies thingy..

Other than that...
Seriously, I haven't done anything productive..
Feel like I'm just wasting my life away~
and i'm barely even sure if I can do my final assignment.
the stress doesn't make graduating seem worth it.. lol.
I'm also wondering if I wanna go to Prom night..
but then I wont have anyone to go with,
and it might be awkward o.O hmm..
.
I should probably just shoot myself...
now.. if only I had a gun~~ :X
I need out... ASAP..

Poema: Remembering You .:Review:.

♥ Just got Poema's new album yesterday ♥

♥ Remembering You ♥

I fell in love with it, its just lovely. just like the singers :)



POEMA

I just purely love every single song in this album :)


1. Clean Getaway
This song really reflects on me.. about a father who runs away and never came back, with lyrics like:
"Did you even pack a single photograph of me? one little memory?
You thought it would be easy, well baby it was for you.
I watch you walk away I still don't know why.
I guess you were running, you broke my window paint. I started to cry.
& If there's a single sound I'll never forget is your engine running.
I wish you'd seen the mess that you made.. with you clean getaway. "

So obviously it reminds me of my own father. hah.. so yeah. it hits close to home. :')



2. Wonder
This has got to be the loveliest song I've ever heard.
"Is it just an impression I'm under? Do I even have to wonder?
I heard there might be someone in this world, exactly what's been missing in mine."
So.. basically it gives me hope for future love? aha.. :')



3. Fallin'
loving someone but not wanting to.. :|
"I think I.. I think I.. I think I'm fallin' in love with you..
Dont want to love you but I want to be here.
Dont think I can fight it anymore."



4. Hesitate
I love this song, cos' the guitar strumming reminds me of taylor swift ahahaha.
"Oh I know, what you never know.
How fast the time is gonna go,
We're fools if we take it slow.
So don't you wait to say the words you need to say.
Cos' this could be the only day, we're happy before it's too late.
So don't you hesitate."



5. Apricots
cute song.. :')
"Walk down just pass the apricot grove,
to the pond where we use to whisper things that nobody knew."



6. Play With Fire
Loving the wrong person
"So, no sir. I know better than to play with fire. I've been here before, I was just burned.
You should never mess around with water, it will put you out~"



7. Footprints
Another lovely song :')
"Footprints in the sand.. I'm washing away.. "



8. Your Song

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SONG :)
"In your heart I found my voice, you're the melody above the noise.
I will sing~ sing~ just for you. Let it bring~ bring~ joy to you. Only you."



9. My Turn To Go
This song just really reminds me of my latest relationship... Ayuko.. :'(

Seasons come and seasons go.
Before you know we're all grown.
Time can be a greedy thing.
I hope you know I'll miss you so..
There'll never be an easy way to let you go..
I know I never told you, I hope I've showed you.
You're the reason that I'm who I am..
So I can only love you till I'm old..
Till it's my turn to go..



10. Would You?
This song just brings me some confidence somehow.
I guess I just sorta hope whoever I fall in love with would have this in mind.. heh.. maybe.
"I want dinner made for two and you to make a move, But you never do.
Oh darling' if you knew what to do, would you? "



11. Love Of My Life
"I don't deserve you, but I'm so happy you're mine."
just the sentence I wish I could say .__.

Arts, Magic and Religion

When the question was asked, it was a moment of anguish and frustration. And from that frustration the words blurted out, "Animated Short Film".

That'd be my final assignment topic.. now... where do I start?

I need inspiration!!!

I need... to go out and party and and.. cheer up

before i die from this stressful ceremony of arts and designs.

---------------♥---------------

On a brighter note~
I'mma receiving my first pay cheque end of this month, goodie goodie.

And I didn't even feel like I did much :) still....

Money, money come to me

In abundance three times three

May I be enriched in the best of ways
Harming none on its way

This I accept, so mote it be

Bring me money three times three!

Three seems to be my lucky number. hmm..

That is a spell quoted from: www.spellsandmagic.com

and yes its black magic.. and I actually said that chant a week before I got the job.

Did it actually work? I'll never know..

Black Magic, did you know the first step of doing black magic is to accept God?

Its believed that all the powers are all God given.

The whole chanting thing is actually a just a poetic proclamation of belief.

And the Bible does teach

"If you proclaim it with faith~ it shall be."

I tried.. Astral Projection (Out-Of-Body Experience)
Its like the spiritual meeting you get when you get filled with the holy spirit.

But its different as it's done with a person's own spiritual strength..

Its where your spirit moves out of your body and into the astral plains/unseen world/spirit world. Where a mere thought and teleport your spirit to any destination.It's also a way to communicate with God more intimately spiritually.

I'll admit I wasn't searching for God, though if I did find him I'd have tons to ask..

Unfortunately,

I wasn't able to keep myself at peace during the meditation process..

And I ended up with lack of sleep, had a bad headache and couldnt get out of bed for 2days.

Conclusion:

Black magic is serious business..

But what got me more interested in the idea was a Psychological Anime called:

Ghost Hound

Where the main character is able to enter the spirit world/astral planes whenever he wishes. Due to life trauma, psychological/mental effects and self-understanding he could pass between worlds. He and his sister was kidnap when he was young, and the kidnapper died when the police were pursuing him. Due to his death, the police were unable to find the 2 children until 3 days later, when they found them. He was alive but his sister didn't make it. So he was taken into counselling and in high school he wants to remember what happen but couldn't which trigger the whole spirit world entrance.
Its all a psychological effect, scientifically.
But is it really?


So yeah.. I've been travelling on a road less travel. ahaha.