Steampunk

First off..
Last night/This morning as i was watching quite a lame movie cos I couldnt sleep.
"Doomsday (2008)"3/10
Good movie, horrible storyline, alot of gore and slightly boring.
I ended up doodling an artwork in front of my computer :) lol

Its based on Steampunk style artwork :)
for those who dont know, steampunk is actually Victorian Science Fiction.
Google it and see all the awesome creativity-ness of Steampunk.

060612

Happy birthday to me :)
It was my birthday uhmm yesterday.. ahaha June 6th :)
I'm officially no longer a teen! :( I feel old..

Uhmm i didn't celebrated :( as always..
Every year, when i want to celebrate something bad happens.. sigh!
Tis' year i was planning to go out for Snow White & The Huntsman with my friends.
But it was cancelled cos my friend's car got knocked by a policeman

Yes, a policeman got into an accident with him.. although its a small accident..
just a small dent in the bumper.. but that guy, being a policeman needed to follow protocol. etc. etc.
Uhmm he looked more sad than anything else. me n my friends agreed that he's probably sad cos he's gonna get ban from using anymore police vehicles :\ hmm..

So yeah... my plan for movie was cancelled cos of that.. sigh!
I received a total of 81 Birthday wishes on fb and sms :)
Comparing that to the 200++ i got on fb a few years back..
I prefer the ones i got this year.. cos 90% of the 81 are from people who are really close to me :)
Its the result of clearing my 1000+ fb friends
to just the 400+ people that i actually know and care about.

I guess my bday wasn't all bad.. got to go to the police station o_o uhmm..
got to compete in League Of Legends Online Qualifiers but lost..
got to chat with an interesting girl,
who nows owe me a mcFlurry and whose actually very fun to chat with :)
got to influence my cute junior to finally gimme the McD he owes me xD
uhmm Gotten a smurf and sketchbook from my beloved twin :)
uhhmmm got to joke around about flying over to the States and celebrating my birthday a 2nd time before the day ends there.
Met a new blogger friend who is really great in poetry and writing.. wooww...
Got a psychotic bday song sang by a guy in Batman's Joker costume..
Uhmm spent almsot the entire afternoon texting n catching up with my BF :( i missed her.

But again.. like I said in posts before... most of these are things i experience mainly online..
ahaha the internet really is the home of a multimedia designer i guess?

Overall...
Its still not a bday celebration.. i mean.. its like things people do in normal days.
But the time i got to chat with people i dont normally chat with is worth it.. :)
and to just sit around at a police station with my friends in the middle of the night felt epic..
its like being in a music video! lol... mehh..
Still it could have been better..
To be honest I've always wanted to celebrate with a birthday party xD
But its always too much trouble to conduct..
+ i dont know who to invite.. mehhh.. so it never happens. ah ha..
But i'm used to it..

Every year my bday always has a sad side to it..
and at some point I'm tired of it.. its like fate..
I guess thats also a reason why I'm never really celebrating it.. heh..
Out of the 365 days i get in a year the day of my birth..
Has hardly ever been anything good .__.
its like the world is cursing the day i've been borned..
sigh!
But on a brighter note!
I still get to watch Snow white tis Saturday :)
and and.. uhmm i dunno wat else...
ahhh! i shall sleep...
There's nothing left for me to do now anyway~ lol

There's a danger

Its decided that after studies i'm going to KL to work and eventually move to Japan. Its no longer a dream or a vision or a goal.. ITS A FACT :)

I miss Ayuko. I admit that.. and i know i admit it alot.But its the truth. No one I've met in this world was as strong as she was..Or at least no one I know lived as cheerful and pure as she did..Moving to Japan was always been my goal..I've always wanted to go there..

So.. no i'm not going because i met her. I'm going because.. I believe that there's something more for me there.A future there.. what meeting her would make me do tho.. is donate to cancer charity..heh.. tho i'm not sure how much charity actually helps the needy..Its something I might do in the future..

The future.. a scary thought it is..
I've always thought I could have a bright future..But the journey towards it is really dull.. I'm tired, i need a big push.. or something.. anything.. Like a million dollar cheque, so i dont need to spend the 2years in KL and insta-migrate to Japan. lol..

I need the fresh start... I need that reset button.. :) and hopefully my plan is that button for me.And HOPEFULLY it wont set off a bomb in my life :|

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AFA MY 2012 is coming up...
that's.. Anime Festival Asia: Malaysia 2012

This year its held at KL.. last year it was at Singapore..

AND DANG! i wish i could go..

but i found out about it too late... LOL if not i'd save up money to fly over there... T_T

They have a Japanese maid cafe, butler cafe there..and and~ Anisong concerts by Kalafina, Aimi, Maon Kurosaki, FLOW, KOTOKO, Sea☆A

Mitsuhisa Ishikawa, the producer who made,

"Ghost In The Shell (攻殻機動隊)"

and "Blood: The Last Vampire"

will be giving a talk on his life and experiences .__.

I WANNA GO ! :(

as well as Tomohiko Ishii

from Studio Ghibli and the assistant producer for famous titles, such as"Spirited Away (千と千尋の神隠し)", "The Cat Returns (猫の恩返し)"and "Howl's Moving Castle (ハウルの動く城)". all the classics xD

There'll also be of course COSPLAY! even the GM.Bibi from Garena is gonna go there in her cosplay ._.

Arghh~ i wanna go.. T__T Anime fan.. but cant go.. sad case..

Hopefully! I'll be able to go next year!where ever it's gonna be held .__.!

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"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and its sad when you know. It's your heart you cant trust."



Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough - Sun Yan Zi (孙燕姿)
Original song was by Patty Smyth back in the 90s.. but i prefer Sun Yan Zi's cover best..

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Dr.Seuss The Lorax

Last night well.. tis morning 2am. i couldnt sleep.. So I watched one of the movie i downloaded, Dr.Seuss The Lorax.Its a cute movie with great storyline.. :) I also like the quote from Dr.Seuss at the end..

"UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

I love that quote.. cos its really true... people nowadays simply dont care about anything anymore. Me included. ahaha its sad .__. but i loved the movie.. its meaningful enough. And it gave me a 2nd fav quote by Dr.Seuss.. The first one of course being;

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


Dont ever change who you are no matter what.. You're perfect... everyone is :)

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Reading your blog post now, makes me feel.. relieved. I used to have a crush on you a long time ago, well of course i did. why wouldnt I? You were always an amazing girl. Hahax~ but I knew I would never be good enough for you.. and I know I still am not.. But I'm glad that your life is looking out better. :) I may not be as 'holy' or on fire for God as i used to be after my lastest relationship.. And yet, I believe that God will still bless you and your family abundantly.

God bless :) 

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A blog is a place to express anything you want to..
and anything that you feel. Nothing others think would have to matter..
That's how my blog is.. you can think of me whatever way you want..
But it doesn't change the fact that.. It is a fraction of who I really am.. 
At least I dont lie to myself everyday and keep true to who I am ;)

Peace and Love my readers... :)

If i waited would you have said yes?

Probably not.. :)

ahh~ Boring days...

I've been sleeping very late lately.. like 4am in the morning kind of late..

eh heh.. i'm still not coping well.. I feel empty.. like completely feeling nothing..

I'm not happy, i'm not sad.

I'm unhappy and yet.. i feel no sorrow..

i am angry.. but what is anger?

Reminds me of the poems i use to write when i was young.. wahaha

links to my poems: My Poems

To think that I use to be soo much into the dark.. is terrifying.

But then... thats where all my personality came from.. in the dark, in the dark, in the dark....

All i've been doing lately is download movies and gaming

I've been rather tired really... my bday is coming up.. i guess that's why..

never actually celebrated it.. still not going to. ahaha xD

my birth isn't much of a celebration anyway.. plus people tend to forget it..

as if 06/06 is hard to remember? pfft..

I have a bday wish.. but its one that probably would never come true..

but thats what a wish is rite? it isn't suppose to come true.

Its just something you want. not something you need..

What i do need tho, is a miracle.. sighhh!

where is my miracle? D:

I dont even know what i'm saying.. ahaha..

I want...

somebody spontaneous to spend my bday with..

Alas..... there isn't any... :( tis is sad...

eh heh! ahh well.. nothing much to say really...

boring holidays coming to an end.. yay? ahahas

peace and love peeps.. have a great day :)

Haunting Memories

Memories..
This post is just a shard of the past I wish to record.
They haunt my thoughts and i guess writing it out would be better.. maybe

Lately I feel like i've been distant...
like extremely far away from everyone i use to know.

But i remember them, i remember each and every one of them very well..
And to think most things that happen in my life is due to the internet. ahaha

I remember when i was like 11, when i first got on the social site: Neopets.
That's where I learnt most of the stuff i know now..

I remember meeting Evenex, a japanese girl living in the NZ..
her and her friends in the anime guild, taught me soo much on animes.. :|
then at the neopets message board i met,

Jeanjadeonguitar whose a very awesome girl from the UK.
she was also kinda like my first girlfriend, lol if it actually counts.. not really sure since I was still kinda too young to understand much.. but there were a lot of drama and with the hacking of her account, we were left with no communication.. tho somehow i wish i could still contact her.. :\

I also met Annaangel, a girl from australia who was really upbeat and energetic. fun girl to chat with.. lost contact with her long time ago tho..

I also met Meg and Melia who were also australian.. both ended up being my foster sisters. lol! they're both amazing girls actually. :) but dont contact them anymore.

Case was an american who was into the whole emo stuff.. and also into Roleplaying. she was the one who taught me how to write n roleplay in the forums and roleplaying boards... a few months after meeting her, she lost her life to pressure and personal problems .__.

mikilove who was a fan of everything japanese and from m'sia as well.. she was actually my first real foster big sis :) she taught me loads..

got on friendster. then i met mikilove's friend Aaveli, whose a very creative gal who know stuff like art and photoshop and stuff...

that was during my teenage time, i got into the whole emo, dark, goth phase of life.

I also met Zoe, off friendster if i'm not mistaken. m'sian, and also a fellow blogger. ahaha :) she became one of my best friends even though we never chat much. she's still an awesome person! :D

and also Lynnds, m'sian. :) i love how she send my a postcard and a keychain! (though the keychain was stolen by the postman :\ ) but its the thought that counts! and she's just a truly amazing person! she's also another person who's been one of my close friends for a long time... that we pretty much havent been contacting lately :(

I got a youtube account met, Kyuuka, who taught/show the basic of anime music video editing.

Eventually all this got me into the whole Visual Kei (japanese rock) love~

Got into gaming, animes, video editing, music and pretty much just isolating myself from the whole world..

Played auditionSEA met an awesome Singaporean girl on there, Wen. who was in polytechnic at the time and does 3D design and stuff :) I still have the christmas postcard she send to me... along with the @cash clothes she gave on my bday on Audition.. ahaha! ahh~ stuff like these make me feel so old now! :| we stopped contacting a long time ago too..

That was when i was a teenager, i din have any real friends in real life.. lol..

mostly just online...

I then met Adel , my brother's friend's sister through.
who was the same age as me, and became my best friend, she's the only one i think that still contacts me just as much as she did back then.

I met her friend kiwi, who eventually i got into a relationship with..
but then after a while we just broke apart..

I was having my family problem at that time too.. and i was still very emotional. so yeahhhh..
We contact less n less and now we barely even contact at all..

my 2nd real life girlfriend was TCH, she was an amazing girl, into anime drawing.. I adored her, i admired her.. a relationship bought off by chocolates and a manga book.
but we were young, and things ended worse than bad..
only recently we started contacting again... abit at least.

When i was 16.. it was also then that i made my group of friends of which i still hang out with right now.

actually, tats when i met my bestfriend too. my Blurfriend.
i didnt know she would become my bestie at all at first..
She's like totally awesome and retro. Vintage even. Our friendship was actually kinda up and down in its own way, and sorta weird but still interesting at the time xD She's the kind of girl whose into Sepia photos, rainbow umbrellas, cute things, dresses, high heels, sweets and is somewhat blur yet very understanding. But all in all, she is an amazing girl.. and remains as my first real best friend in real life. :) Although we dont actually contact much anymore... the time we did, is worth more than anything.
ahaha! u're awesome BF! ;)

I also met a girl from the afternoon session who uses the same class i use in the morning session in secondary school... surprisingly JessieL, use to goto the same tuition as me as well as the primary and secondary school, we started contacting cos we shared the same table in the morning n afternoon session. we would actually vandalize the school table with our artworks to communicate with one another. x) it was a fun experience and one i really miss!! we ended up being the best of foster siblings and altho life as drifted her across the sea for studies, we still remain close friends

I got into my 3rd real relationship when i was 17...
it was probably the best year of my life.. ahaha.. the entire up and down process was tiresome, stressful, rewarding and overall amazing.
I dont know how to put it.. it was just a great experience to have, despite the bad ending :\ uhmm din contact for a while after the whole thing..

there are also the people i meet in church of which i truly care, admire, lookup to and adore. the ones that really boosted my confidence in life. although I might have overstep my boundary most of the time, I'm grateful to have had the chance to spend those moments of my life with them.
It was fun, and the memories will forever remain pure...
I stopped contacting with them as well..

actually after that breakup I became more distant with the people around me even more..

I met Destiny online as well, she was a very energetic, cute girl, whose always misunderstood or taken advantage of. or at least from my view. she became one of my best friends tho! I dont know how that happened but yeah. she's into gaming and anime and now deciding to join cosplay club or not? ue shud definitely go for it! ahahaha.. she's still one of my best friend now and actually still keeps in contact :D

I met JiaCheng ( i dunno how to pinyin properly ) ahaha.. another amazing girl. who although is only younger than me by 3months calls me big bro. from Sabah~ :D and currently works at Singapore. I dont really know her that well.. but I can tell that she's a strong girl who can do whatever she wants to ^^

I met Zianne on fb. :) one of my best friend at the time. into the whole cosplay, anime, emogoth, jrock fandom! :D totally awesome.. at the time she was like a complete role model to me .__. ahaha just awesome.. although... we seem to be contacting less and less... cant be helped i guess..

I also met Momo, a girl who was suffering from depression at Japan.
a cute and creative little girl, whose been through more than the average people. a person who could've become more sinister and dark than i use to be. o__o but i'm glad throughout the time we chat, she was able to get better in time.. and have a happy life now? :)  one of my fav person, even tho we dont contact much anymore. :(

Sora added me on fb via the random friend finder thingy.. he was an interesting person. and also the 4th Japanese i met online ahahax~ a very good looking guy with great personality. actually i think all japanese have great personality o__o or at least the ones thats got internet.. heh..
and to find that he actually know Zianne, was interesting.. its like fate.

Sora's sister Ayuko added me on fb soon after, we would then become friends and chat about actually..
anything and everything. she was an easy person to talk to.. we got into a long distant relationship, at the time i guess i didn't know what i was getting myself into, but it was also like nothing could feel more like destiny than that moment... I admired her. she was adventurous, kind, innocent, loving and just strong. a person who lived life to the fullest with no regrets. Her personality were traits I always 

admired. she was everything I had been looking for. :) and to have met her was just amazing.

but after Ayuko's passing.. I just drew myself even more further away from the people around me.

I always.. ALWAYS keep myself away from the people around me when i feel horrible. I dont know why, its just the way i am i guess... or maybe its just something life taught me.

But one thing i do know is.. although I dont stay in contact with everyone as much anymore, doesnt mean I forget about them.. there are actually alot of people that isn't mentioned here..

Actually the people mentioned here are mostly only the friends i met through the internet and caused a huge impact in my life even if in just a small way.

I do know one thing, I love music, and thats the one thing that every one on this post have in common.. ahahax everyone has more or less the same taste in music i like~ :)

I love my friends, each and every one of them.

I love my life, although there are parts i wish i could change.... but its still life..

And when the time comes, I will leave this country and find myself a new life to lead fully..

I dont know where, when or how..

But I believe there are greater things for me out in the world.
which is why.. in a way i dont get too close to the people around me..

I dont want to have to feel regret when I'm leaving this place..
I dont want to have to feel like i have a reason to stay.
I just want to leave it all behind and start a new life...

Its hard to understand, I'm hard to understand. I dont even understand myself.

But I know that, everything happens for a reason. Although sometimes the way it happens seems completely wrong or just completely in-comprehensive but thats just the way it is..

I understand now.. and its with this post, i lay my memories here..
forever safe kept within my blog domain and to never haunt my nights again.

At some point i guess i still wish i could spend time with everyone..
Singing through the phone, Dancing on an online game, Walking from Star cineplex to 3rd mile, drinking chocolate milkshake at our hangout, shopping for gives, sharing icecream at the local icecream store, walking under the pouring rain, storytelling on a forum/board, writing back to back storyblogs, exchanging artwork through vandalism, communicating through music, art and pictures.. etc. etc. etc...

ahh~ i miss it~ But then.. i guess that's why they are special to me..
Cos they are memories with certain people at a certain time that will make me remember them forever. :)


I am a multimedia artist, i work online and with my computer.

And the internet. is my domain~ :B

I meant it when I said..

I havent been sleeping well lately.

Feel like I'm being haunted by my thoughts heh..

For the past 2 weeks I've been killing myself over the Ayuko's passing.

but how can I not? :(

It's been 2months and the wounds have not healed.

She was the type of girl that would never betray another.

She was probably the type of girl I've wanted all along,

faithful, adventurous, kind, playful, loving, supportive and independent

we share pretty much all the same things,

fav animal being cats, fav color purple, etc. etc.

I was the person who made her fairytale fantasy a reality

but she was the person who made my love-life fantasy possible.

sadly, the fantasy was short-lived..

but I nothing I've done in my life was as meaningful
as the time I've spent with her.

Sure, it was a long-distance relationship, but to have it reach the height it did.

I thought maybe it would last forever. but.. it didn't..

and over the past 2months I haven't been to church
except on Sundays,even then I don't feel anything.

see, during the time she was ill. I spend most of my days praying and stuff.

but the ending, there was no miracles.

How can God, who is said to be loving and merciful take such a pure and innocent person?

...she was happy when she passed on.

She couldn't bare seeing her family in pain,
nor could she continue living in pain.

I've never met a person more pure or strong as her.

I don't know if it was due to the sickness
or because it's just the way she is,but I fell in love with her.

It pains me to know that maybe 40% of the people on this planet doesn't deserve their long-life as she deserved hers. Even I don't deserve this life.

I mean, I've looked for death before, its clear that I don't value my life much.

I've been blaming myself and beating myself up
cos I feel like I could've done more.

or how much better it could have ended but it didn't.

now I'm just a complete mess..
and its probably an emotion no one else can ever understand :\

sigh..

Long Time Coming...

So its been a longgg while since i last updated.

Nothing much happened tho..

I went to KL for my brother's wedding registration.

Uhmm helped him snap some pics.

Although I dont really like it there, its good.. i mean a vacation after the hectic semester.. lol

got myself 2 Model Kits

HG Methuss

HG Hyaku Shiki + Mega Bazooka Launcher

got myself a new watch too~ A Vincci watch ;D

Overall i guess it was a good trip.

Upon reaching back to Kuching, I saw the head of my college arts and design faculty.

lol~ waved at him as he waved back..

That's like the only wave we communicate actually, we just wave at each other.

Cos i've never been his students in any of my subs so its like awkward.

but he knows me, n i know him. LOL

uhmm yeahh..

during my stay at KL during the time when I got nothing to do.

I would switch on my laptop and watch

Shiki

which is now one of my fav horror/vampire anime :D

And thats pretty much it for my KL trip..
nothing much really.. ahaha..


hmm i've watched a bunch of movies during my holidays..
uhmmm went to watch

Battleship

 yeahh.. hmmm nothing much to say on this one.
Good story, nice graphics, interesting take on the original Battleship game.
8/10

Lockout


Good storyline, nice graphics.
cool characters and a story with a starting and an ending, no cliffhangers.
8/10


Cabin In The Woods
 

Its genre is horror.. BUT it felt more like a comedy..
or rather a Scooby Doo rip off.. only without the dog. lol
horrible horror movie, good comedy:
5/10

cos I was looking forward to a horror movie.. not comedy



The Avengers

Its not bad.. i'd give it
7/10

The Hulk is awesome. LOL


Ghost Buddies

Malaysian movie, starring Mark Lee
Comedy.. funny... and lame :)
6/10


then at home i watched 3 more movies,


Intruders

Interesting Storyline, a little freaky.
A horror movie children would be able to watch :)
7/10

Shutter Island

Genre: Psychological/Thriller , starring Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its kinda creepy. I can imagine how nice it would be if i saw it at the cinema.
interesting storyline, freaky characters. a little confusing.
7/10
Only cos I've watched The Jacket, which for me is still the best Psychological film

Thir13en Ghosts

A classic, downloaded it cos my friend wanted to watch.
I loved this movie when it first came out. and rewatching it. made me love it just the same :)
Check it out. its a classic. and completely worth watching.
8.5/10

What I've learned from all the horror movies I watched is...

EVERY HORROR MOVIE WILL HAVE THAT SPECIAL MOMENT.

Every horror movie would always have that one moment when they give you the highest depth of horror in the film.
That one scene that would make you remember the movie for a very long time.

It could be a disgusting act, eerie makeup, freaking sound, watever. it will make you remember the film!

Here are some examples!
Dont read any further if you're screamish or scared :P
Also~ pictures aren't as scary as in the movie :)

Example 1: Mirror (2008), The girl who tore her own jaw off by reflection.

Example 2: The Shinning (1997 remake), The lady in the bath tub.

Example 3: Final Destination 3 (2006), Nailed by a nail gun.

 

Thats all For Horror!

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uhmm yeahhh... played and finished a new game.

Kingdom Of Amalur: Reckoning

Its fun and worth checking out.
But not fun enough to be re-played.
still worth playing tho.. Took me only a week to finish..
Comparing it to my one month of playing Skyrim... Reckoning has failed in comparison.
6/10


and that's pretty much it.
nothing new :)

BROKEN

In response to my previous post.

My group mate didn't their part of their assignment..
SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE DONE A MONTH AGO..
Isn't Complete.

My whole time schedule of finishing all my assignments on time without stress completely messed up cos of the extra 3 hours I have to spend on this.

Now i reallyyyy feel like jumping off a mountain.
Seriously? seniors? so irresponsible? zz...

MOOD: UNHAPPY, On-the-verge-of-breaking-down-completely

I'm what I've overcome

So its already the Thursday, my semester ends tomorrow (Friday). Yessss~
Cant wait for holidays..

Uhmm so I went for the tuition teaching on tues.
LOL only had 2 students mmhmm..
Its fun in its own sense. but its a little weird.
Knowing that the students are well, about 3 - 7 years younger than me only :\
But anyway its a good experience..
Tho, seeing the level of english of secondary students nowadays.
Its kinda.... uhmm unnatural.
Its like I completely don't understand what teachers are teaching their students in school nowadays.
Its fun in its own way. Abit stressful when seeing their standard.
I mean seriously, how can you improve a person's language...
It improves from daily activities, the more u do it, the more you understand it.
So i just gave them a short essay and some objective questions to do on the first day.
Communication ain't bad, i mean at least they ask whatever they don't understand.
But, I've been thinking after that lesson that maybe I'm not cut out for the job. ahaha!
I've never been that great of a teacher.
I mean the only thing I taught someone that ended up being a success was drawing ._.
English is like.. uhhh kind of hard to teach.
That and being called "老师" sends chills down my spine. LOL!
I'm not that old! :( ahahaha!
Uhh yeahh.. I'll probably stick to it for about a month and see how it goes first. :)

In other news, today is the animation presentation!
COMPLETELY UNSURE OF MY GROUP'S PROCESS ON THE ASSIGNMENT.
Hope its finished on time. our all of us is dead.
I really don't understand why must it be group work :(
I mean if it was for report i understand, but for designs is a bit weird.
Considering the fact that everyone has their own way of designing their stuff.
There will be disagreement and consequences.
In group sometimes its hard for people actually learn for themselves,
instead lead them into the way of shoving their work to one of the group members.
I just really don't understand it.. but whatever.
Just hope it can be finished on time.
I don't care about it anymore.

ahhhhhhhh... so i guess you'd probably already know that I'm not feeling well lately.
I mean you can completely tell, from my previous blog post. ahaha
At some point, I feel like I could just go on top the highest mountain in kuching and jump off it.
Feeling the cool breeze, the fast altitude drop that makes it hard to breath and the ears to bleed, and just feel alive at that final moment before it all ends. :\

ahahaha! freakin negative eh? yeahhh...
Maybe I'd get a job as a Shinigami too :) that might be fun. lol~
I dont even know what i'm saying anymore. I'm just soo unstable lately.
I need a day to just completely breakdown into nothingness.
and find myself again the following days.
Like a snake shedding its skin after completing its digestion of its food.
I need the holidays to come... ASAP..
One more day to go... then I'd be able to just completely fall to pieces. :)

:) thats all i have to update. thanks for reading.



Fireflight - What I've Overcome..
This use to be my fav song of all time :) by one of my top fav Chiristan Rock Band.

If only you could see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change.
You'd see a broken heart, You'd see the battle scars...
Funny how words can't explain, How good it finally feels to break the chains..
I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome!

Mirror Mirror On the Wall...

Life works in mysterious ways.

I'm going to start working tomorrow. mainly just for experience.
As a english tuition teacher. lol~ I seriously feel a bit crazy to actually accept such a job o.O

Ahh anyway hmm.. I went for a movie last week :)
Mirror Mirror ahahax~ not a movie i'd usually watch but... okaye...
and then did most of my homework and assignment already.
Should be able to get everything ready for the pass up by week's end.
Soo yeah~ Its all good..

Uhmm i'm not sure what to write or say really..
I've been quite confused..
like saturday night, i broke down cos I was well u know emotional.
due to thinking too much i guess, the usual stuff like..
How did I end up like this~ even if I can have a great future will I have someone to share it with?
yeahh.... emotional.. My thoughts have been hectic.
But I guess that cant be helped.
Still waiting for that moment when I'd get through all this emotional phases and just get into an emotionless, no feelings, life.

I guess I kinda feel like I dont want to get too attached or close to people at this moment,
cos its like I'm gonna leave kuching soon, and leave malaysia soon too hopefully.
and thoughts like that makes me feel like I shouldnt get too attached,
or I might actually miss it here, or miss the people here, the places here.
I guess that's why i've been emotional lately eh.
All I do is focus on the bad points, because I don't want the good points to hold me down.

Forcing myself to suffer?
Oh yes I am. I just really hate it here, the memories. my past. oh gawd, i hate my past.
No amount of happiness or goodness of my present life can ever over weigh the weight of my past.
I wanna leave, I wanna get away. I want to start a new..

I remember when i was young, i thought of running away and living in a jungle or something. hehe. I guess maybe cos I watched peter pan when i was young. LOL!
But yeah, I always dream of running away.
I've always been the odd one out, ever since kindergarten all the way to lower secondary school.
For the way I talk, wrote, was... people were not ready for an emotional person like me I guess.
But now look at me, I'm one of the best in my class.
I have plenty of good friends. my life isn't that bad right now.
But still.. I want to leave it all behind, for a dream of living a new life.. :)

I just want to get away.. uhmm yeah.. thats pretty much it.. :)