Creativity

As I gaze through the sea of people, I saw her. Someone whom I once knew.
Who was once a part of me, but now just a facade of a familiar stranger that I no longer know.

Anyway, I had a well, not so interesting day. pfft. so nothing much to post.
Hmmm, slept, read, ate, bath, online, gaming, homework, and i think that's it.

Gawd! I cant wait for marketing class tomorrow! its the only thing saving me from boredom. I swear, if the boredom goes on, I'd go crazy or die from it. rofl!
CNY is just around the corner, I think I'm not celebrating this year. hehe
ANYWAY!~

!LIFE!

Tried looking for a private guitar teacher, but turns out that the few that I found arent that trustworthy. huh. so still looking. and I'm not planning on going into IMH (the music school, not the mental hospital). and i dont plan going there cos i dont think I'd learn well. Anyway! that aside, downloaded a bunch of songs. hmmm.
I dont know what to do really.

!FOOD!

Ohhh~ I forgot to mention I ate Katsudon TWICE within last week. Yummy! its awesome! Katsudon is the Japanese-proclaimed Victory Rice. lol. Its actually fried pork + Miso sauce + egg + rice. but it tastes gooddd~ really good. no wonder the Japanese eats it before exam, its a really awesome dish! XD

!RELIGION!

Ahem! NEXT! "Creativity & Who Kills It" Audio CD by Rev. Kevin Loo. Isnt half bad. :) rofl! but it isnt much for me. D: guess I gotta find some other way to be more creative. But that doesnt mean it didnt help me at all la~ It made me feel alot better about a few things too :)

!EPIC!

Anyway! I got myself a new crush!
ROFL! yes its another superstar~
Its "Annasophia Robb"
I watched her in the 2007 movie, "Bridge To Terabithia" just now. She's a great actress :) and "Bridge To Terabithia" is an awesome movie. & If you didnt watch that movie and think she looks familiar She was also in "Race To Witch Mountain" & "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" and She'll be in the movie "Soul Surfer" coming out this April 2011, its based on a true story about a girl and her dream. So it shouldnt be that bad.

!SPORTS!

next~ CM PUNK the wwe superstar, became the new leader of Nexus. Although the group kinda sux, He did beat John Cena. Plus the new shirt looks cool o___o! ROFL! STRAIGHT EDGE~

!ENTERTAINMENT!

Been watching American Idol Season 10
lots of great singers! and of course lots of bad ones.. but the main thing that attracted me isnt the people participating but the Judges this year! Randy is of course still one of the Judge since he's one of the producer of American Idol. They also have Jennifer Lopez, as one of the judge~! and the person who took over Simon Cowell's seat is none other than, the Rockstar himself~ STEVEN TYLER! lead singer of Aerosmith. and he's one heck of an awesome Judge.

That aside, I guess there's nothing else new. tho I've fallen in love with Lifehouse, My new fav group of all time :'D If you havent notice, This post is all about Creativity~ :) thus the Creativity-ness of the post :B

So~~~ I gotta go sleep d. Bro coming back in later, and I have classes :) cant wait to see him! He brought gives! kekeke! ROFL! :)
peace out everyone!~

cool

wow~
Its Jan25th, there's only one week before the end of January 2011.
And i feel as tho i havent accomplished anything..
Still, Life goes on.
Been feeling rather lifeless lately. I dont know what i'm doing
oh,
Watched American Idol Season 10 Episode 1 & 2 Earlier.
Losta great talents. goodie! cant wait for Hollywood week.
anyway.
Sunday night, had a blast with my friends.
Steamboat at D11. :B *nom nom nom*
hahax, had our laughs and jokes. talks and well food. xD
Nothing much really. But it felt good to gather with friends.

Anyway, I guess i havent been doing much lately.
feeling really really lonely some nights. and days..
Finished House Of Night Book 2: Betrayed..
Getting book 3 and 4 soon. :)
thats kinda the only thing besides music thats keeping me intact from getting all emo.
I would find my friends. but most of them be busy and i dont know with what.
I dont know anything.
I really wanna just take up as many things i possibly can to fill this emptiness.
I have my wishes, I have my dreams and visions, I have my plans.
but the future itself still can turn many way.
and what about now? I have not plan anything for each day of my life.
I do this, i do that, but i still feel lost.
Is there anyone that's looking for me?
anyone out there to find me?

Been feeling kinda lightheaded too lately.
And everyday seems soo familiar to me, and yet its not.
I dont know whats going on with me,
I dont know what i feel, or what i dont feel.
I basically just lost myself.
I still do this and that, but I dont feel anything. I dont feel anything at all.
CNY coming up, and i can honestly say i'm not in the mood for it.
havent even bought my clothes or anything yet.
lol, my mum isnt into it this year either. :) so maybe not celebrating this year :X
But I know one thing's clear.
I. WANT. TO. FIND. MY. OWN. SHIAWASE.
That means Happiness... :'| heh. I dont know when was the time when i actually, felt happy.
But i miss it. i want it. i need it. my life is dulling up, and i dont know anything anymore
I need the adrenaline, the sparks, the extraordinary events, i dont care if it hurts.
i wanna feel alive. I wanna feel... something.. anything.
I feel Joy, I feel pain, but its all too familiar to me.
I need something more, something different. I know God can provide it for me.
I pray, I worked, I tried, but I still feel the same.
I'm just waiting now for something to happen.
My days seems meaningless despite how much I do.
I dont feel all that important or useful either.
Even though I know I have a better life than some,
or even that I personality wise is better than some,
But ultimately, I dont feel all that great.
And i wish i knew why...

Can You just tell me why?

D':

I'm listening to a song over n over again.
cos it kickstarts my spiritual level to full gear, being able to feel really really close to God .___.!
the song is called, Broken by Lifehouse.
I especially like the part;
I'm hanging on another day. Just to see what, you will throw my way. And I'm hanging on, to the words you say. You said that I will, will be okay. The broken light on the freeway; Left me here alone, I may have lost my way now. But I haven't forgotten my way home~~♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
and it really is making me feel like crying. :'D Awesome song.




The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)
Barely holdin on to you

Days go by

Days go by, and i'm not feeling anything anymore :)
so anyway!
the week's coming to an end! ahahax~!
And an AWESOME week it's been!
:D so anyway!
this week restarted classes~
Before that!
tuesday; i kinda slept and read book the whole day. LOL!
almost finish Betrayed :D
Then~~~ wednesday came :) Classes started in the morning. hmm.
well! my first class of this new semester was~~
firstly;
Digital Audio Video.. the class was okay, din learn much cos first day.
The lecturer is Valerie o_O some rather young multimedia lecturer;
yeah, means she'll be teaching all the computer stuff for the multimedia students.
Oh did i mention it was my first time in the Mac lab? xD its awesome!
I instantly fell in love with mac, when i used it :O like seriously!
its soo awesome! and i'm soo sakai xD but still it rocks.
what didnt rock however!
was tat ms.Valerie wanted everyone to bring their own laptop by next week.
gasp! need to buy a new laptop... that really made my head hurts... i mean alot!
how was I suppose to afford and get a laptop by the coming week! hell!

then 1hr lunch break. skipped it. LOL!
after that, had Marketing class; with lecturer; Pressca.
She's a witch!
she can teach halfway and suddenly scream! ==! and laugh very very loudly!
even worse when she's angry, she'd scold people then suddenly smile and laugh..
weird! but marketing is kinda interesting :)
what's the first rule of marketing?
The customer of course; the customer and their satisfaction
that was the first lesson. At the end of the class, she wanted us to write what is marketing; in a short essay in a group. blah blah blah.
as always~ i get stuck with my multimedia group, writing the whole essay.
And scoring everyone a 7/10 :) ah well! not bad. xD

TIRING!
I was like almost fainting. LOL! but then I remembered that night had CG meeting x_X
die die die! LOL! still, got in car at 6; ate noodles at a small shop down at Kapor road (the food there is awesome! tho it's opened in an actual residential house )
got to CG leader's house at 7:40 like dat. and the meeting started :)
there were like only 7 of us. :O
and here i thought for the first CG of the year it would be bigger. but no.
sadly.. T.T
but we still did what we can :)
felt like an actual family tho, it was more fellowship than usual; so that's kinda nice.
Especially after a whole day of studying a whole lot of "Wants, Needs And Demands" Marketing X_X
so yeah!
pray pray pray; sang praise and worship, collect offering.
talked, chatted hmmm... talked about our studies. about the other members.
blah blah blah~ Oh! and created the FollowUp list for 2011~
I'm stuck to followup on....
My old schoolmate Jason Pui And my adorable sista Mabel :)
hmph.. lol! talked about discipleship and all that too.
The CG meeting wasnt that bad.
and IT DID made me forget about the stress on having to buy a new laptop..

Of course after CG i had to go home and told mum about it.
ouch! she turned as stress as me in the end :X
I asked around to see if people think what laptop good and all that too.
anyway! when i got home, i online awhile.. then went to sleep :)
a good night's sleep :D

Then the next day; woke up at 6+
blah blah blah; CLASSES!
2D 3D design!
AND NO! It's not computer related!
lol its a bunch of designing stuff.
Final turns out to be having to make a model work.
heh X_X anyway! the lecturer is non other than Mr.Kenny!
and of course when it started, he started to blab about how horrible our History Of Arts results were.. like 90% of the whole class fail..
and how multimedia + Graphics Design there were only 30+ people, meaning 90% = 3 people pass. blah blah blah
yeahhh. that's Kenny! :) so stuck with my first assignment d!
having to draw lineart of any natural object. and design it as nice as possible. need 9 designs!
Oh! I texted pastor kelvin in the morning too! to ask if he think macbook or laptop better. LOL! since he use mac, i wanted to know his feedback on it. I know it was just a dream of course; i mean if i can get a mac it'd be like OMG?!?! XD
But then~~~~
Class Ended! Afternoon came!
Went to see Jing and the gang. we all went to the Mandarin Restaurant ontop of Chilipepper, next to the old upwell? yeah!
Me, Jing, Ric, Feng, Wes & Justin :)
first time actually went out with Wes and Jus. not bad. xD
me n ric of course, din eat the fastfood. cos there were all vege. and not the kind i like too!
so me n ric ordered fried rice.. feng n wes did too. xD
okay la. talked about games and all that~
and then!
I RECEIVED THE MOST SUPERB SMS EVER! It was from my mum.
turns out i'm getting a 2nd-hand-macbook-pro for free :DDDD!
hahas that made my day like WOW!
awesome! Joyful without words! :X
so yeah! its like the biggest blessing i've ever received.
Oh yeah, the guy whose giving me the macbook, is a Multimedia Diploma holder :)
He works in a filming industry in Singapore. LOL! He's got a project to do in Europe soon. I think he came back for new year or something :B anyway! he doesnt have much use for his old equipment. so he's giving it to me. the Macbook isnt that old, but he said the battery about broken so he said if wanna fix up just bring it to IT Fusion and get a new bat.
ALRITE! I GOT A MACBOOK! :X
wait there's more! He also said he would be giving me the DSLR he used when he was in college :DDD~ So i'm like hype like crazy d! LOL!
and that's the biggest blessing I've ever gotten. like EVER!

okay! after eating, i went back to college.
the next class was; Introduction To Multimedia And Animation..
I didnt know what it was until Valerie told us.. ==!
FLASH ANIMATION!
feel soo dead! :) lol! I couldnt do it in class cos i dont have laptop.
so i just fiddle around the Mac room Macs~ they had bluetooth on~
and i kinda transfered songs into it from my handphone :X opps~ xD
hehe! awesome-ness! so yeah! It's really awesome.
Everything just feels soo awesome lately!

despite my heart still bleeding from you know what;
but i'm still damn happy that I'm blessed in a different way.


AND CAME!
FRIDAY.
Honestly today boring day!
i just read and read and read. listen to song after song after song.
and watched EASY A.. not a bad movie. LOL!
and now i'm here writing my blog. :)
Peaceful, Humble life~
WOOOOOOOOOOO~~~
Getting my mac tis afternoon! :'D
Thank you God!

Dramatic

It's a wee bit dramatic.
poetic. and of course Spectacular! :'D
so i spent my whole day, reading and watching movies.
:)
Classics :D FIRST UP~
WE have;

Moulin Rouge!

Gawd, this movie made me cry D':

and it proves what TRUE LOVE actually is. hmph.
and I love the phrase;
The greatest thing you would ever learn; is to love, and be loved in return.
and also proves that Artistic people can not only give love, express more but also get hurt more easily. D':
I can soo totally relate to the main character!
thus, the emotional sadness when I watch it..
Especially at the end. :'| He stopped at nothing to get answers with her.
Its just sooo dramatic! and sad!
uhh.... so yeah! it made up to my top10 fav movies!
Rating; 8.9/10!

LOVE Is Like Oxygen! - Moulin Rouge

ahem...
uhh..
then i continued my book..
Betrayed! awesome!
definitely buying book 3 next month..
Hmmmm~~~
then I read my bible.. then I watched another classic..

Anastasia

that made me shed tears too ==! I'm not emotional today, it's just these movies


So Anastasia; is about a princess lost her family and her memory..
her family is looking for her, met a guy who helped her... blah blah blah :)
It's actually really amazing;
check it out if you dont know the movie.
and its really sweet.
overall 8.5/10
:'D
and yes, I know.. both these movies are about the girl,
choosing Love over Money, Fame, Fortune, Family, etc.
and thats just soo... "awwwwwwwwww~"
hehe. :) thats pretty much my day today.
Nothing new~ :)
classes starting this Wednesday.
CANT WAIT FOR THAT!
So i'ma head to sleep, to get my biological clock on track. LOL!
PEACE OUT READERS! :D

Interesting

Woah, Got interviewed today..
and i thought it'd be easy lame interview with few simple questions.
but they were in-dept. So had to express myself... alot.. O_O
but it made me realized yet again, how much Church had actually helped me in the past.
hmph...
I use to be a person who had no reason to live.
and now i do. lol.. I feel bad cos, the interview n this morning preaching.
reminded me of recent events.
But they've already happened and that cant be changed.
But things happen for a reason.
The line has been drawn, the gap have been teared open.
Now as we stand on opposite side.
The only thing I can do is...
Praise God. XD
cos cos I'm me, this is well me. I'm perfectly and wonderfully made; in my own unique way.
As is everyone else over the gap.
All that I have to do is bring the people on this side to church.
And the other side to find their way.
And maybe someday we'll all learn to accept one another.
Till then~
I'ma living my life :)
I know my future, I know my dreams. God even gave me a vision.
And Before this year is out, I'ma have another breakthrough year! woots!
actually yesterday night,
at church talked about Goal setting..
and pastor said; most people would already forget what they ask for to happen last year.
And not know that what they wanted to achieve actually did happen...

I recalled...
Ironically, My Goal last year was to have a long-lasting relationship.. and i did.
the longest relationship ever. the best even though the ending isnt that great.
But I did get what I asked for.... although It didnt end like I wanted it to.
Guess that we cant always get what we want..
But I can however get what I ask for..
And if I DO have the desire for it, it will happen.
Gasp! XD
I wanna learn guitar this year.
and thats my main goal for the year. :)
I might spend time at the gym to improve my stamina and stuff.
Then take part in this year's talentime.
& trust me when I say, I aint backing out this time.
I have a new fuel to fuel me for going into talentime +__+!!
hmmm...
I guess thats the basic plan. :D
everything else will come on slowly.
Hehe! The Truth Will Set You Free~~~ bible teachings :)
say what you want, believe what you will.
What ever happens happens. Life is full of mysteries
and its these mysteries, that allow us to be shaped into who we are.
and who we are to become. But also the choices that we make that allow us to find the right path to walk on.
I . have chosen my path.

Learned Lesson?

Lack of communication and trust undermine teams

and also;

Dont love too deeply.

also!

What isnt yours can never be yours, if it is, it will be.

so! Pain? yes. alot.
But experience? Worth it.
And the interview actually cheered me up :')

Wow!

Wwwwooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww~
Lol! lots of stories going around, woah~

:O Did i mention that Someone's GanGe, out of all this event,
suddenly contact me as if I'm his friend. SHIOK!
Anyway, hope he has a safe trip to Aussie. and hope he doesnt worry himself to death.
:X

That aside!
My life is going well.. normal. hmph!


!!BORING!!


BAM!
ah well~ nothing new really.
Checked out a whole bunch of Alternative rock bands (that are like Dashboard Confessional)
Disappointed! no nice bands.
pfft!
ah well! guess I'll wait for Simple Plan's newest album. and Blink182 album :O
and then this year Hillsong's Album Aftermath coming out. wooots! cant wait for that~
So anyway!
1 week since the event, and nothing new happened. fixed and mended and enclosed alot of friendships.
comforting the broken. and thats pretty much it..
I use to wonder why I care about others when they're hurt.
considering when I'm hurt not really anyone is there for me. :O
But I realized I did the same. so fixing lots of friendships.
Gomenasai~ *bow bow* I will be a better friend :)
I wanna take up Guitar soon :D kekeke! cant wait!
hmmmm,
and i think I'd be dancing more, cos it reallyyyyyy expresses my mood and it never hurts to try new moves... OKAY! so some moves hurt, but :) its fun.
So yeahh~
my new year resolution becoming more clear :O

Good Grades
Learn Guitar (wonder If i can find anyone to join me)
Dance (should I find a teacher :S)
Care for Others ( I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! :D)
Devote more time to God ( Needless To Say )
&
Just enjoy life to the fullest (All You People BEWARE! bwahahaha!)

no more hold backs or puppet strings. I'm Moving On. :)

Oh! and starting next semester I'ma change my whole clothing attire from t-shirt and jeans. to shirt and jeans :O I never liked shirts much... Collars! blueks... but I started liking them :)
hehe! (Thanks to Mariana's Trench's Lead Singer)

OH OH OH! Planning to get a tattoo! MAYBE!
On my right arm... A Tree! with the word "我" in the center. :)
My sister (not related sister, but really close! I mean share all the same likings and interest. If you exclude the she's living million miles away thing) anyway! she said that, It should look cool.. its like I'm branching out~ lol! I like her interpretation.. cos mine was like I wanna be as unmovable and strong as a tree. I would put "solid rock" but, rocks arent soo creative. LOL!
but still, it's just a plan.. cos I have no idea how much a tattoo would cost!

Oh! I'm now reading "House Of Night book 2: Betrayed" and its actually not bad..
Normally, series sometimes their 2nd book not as nice.. but this one keeps to its originality and cool story line. so me likey! :D

Movies! cant wait for Red Riding Hood!
and Pirates Of The Caribbean. and of course~ Breaking Dawn~ :)
oh I even feel like watching Green Lantern :O LOL!
Still have no freaking idea who to go with tho. Most probably drag random people I know. kekeke!

I started Bible Reading. ZOMG!
I'll admit I dont read the Bible much. :) but I'm starting.
LOL! by following those monthly bible reading paper thingy.
i dunno when I started, but I really like Reading nowadays :D hehe.
better than wasting my time playing online games.

Still~~ My life could me awhole lot more interesting. :\
Now it's just boring :O ah well! guess I just have to endure the boredom and wait!
kekeke~ college starting next week! woots! :D
CANT WAIT! YAY!
This year. 2011. I'm going to improve my life :)

in love!

I'm In Luvvvv~
that was fast! XD
i thought I'd never fall in love again! *COUGH!*


but then someone just haddddd to intro me to an awesome band!!!

Marianas Trench


ROFL! yesh in love, just not the I wanna be with someone kind of way. being lame. XD
their songs rock, brings a bunch of confidence to me :)

Thats the Lead Singer! Josh Ramsay~ :D

LOL! okok time to get serious!
but first!
THANKS XI'AN!!
I can reallyyyy relate to you! :B I wish you were my REAL sister.
or at least I wish that you didnt lived like a million miles away T.T

anyway! :)
My day! today.. I mean YESTERDAY! (1:58am :O ZOMG!)
So yeahhh~ Started the morning.

Woke up, facebook, and a bunch of lovie korean songs (BIGBANG + 2NE1 mostly).

my another Idol; SEUNGRI!!
from Bigbang :)

okok, just to be fair! for 2ne1 i like...

well duhh! SANDARA PARK of course! :B



lol ANYWAY!
Lunch, my mum said;
She thinks I'ma end up in Korea someday, even though I always seem to show interest to Japanese, she has a feeling tht I might end up in Korea.

Then I thought about it, then it might not be such a bad idea!
I Mean, It's KOREA! woahhh! LOL!
They're melodramatic, and i'm emo! I'll fit it :D LOL!
uhh.... uhhh~~~~! OH!

OK! BACK TO REALITY!
In the afternoon hanged with me mates :B
at the Cineplex down at Spring.
It was interesting, cos the memories did overtake me.
but then! I kinda sorta let go without knowing :O
anyway!
we watched "Gulliver's Travels"
(ZOMG 2x! JACK BLACK!)


okaye, so Jack Black, isnt that handsome-st guy in all the land.
But he's one heck of a singer. and he brings hope to all the los--- LOL!
I MEAN! Hopeful people out there :D
Cos most of the movies he acted in are like funny, and always starts with nothing and ending with everything he ever wanted.
I remember the first movie i watch him acted in;
The Pick Of Destiny (Awesome movie, check it out if you havent)



SO! Back To My Day!
hmmm.. The movie was GREAT, funny, and rather lame~
ROFL!
still! It was fun to just relax myself down from all the drama~

After that....
(OH! the movie rating 7.6/10 for me :O means it's gud enuf for a comedy. )
we went to get drinks at the food court. I wasnt thirsty so only they bought.
then we headed to one of the mate's house to hang awhile.
and then I got home :)

Had a short sms session with someone; getting to know her better. *cough!*
had dinner. went online.
gaming, chatting, found my new idol in Marianas Trench XDDD~ UHMM!
facebook~
and then animes!

KissXsis. wow~~~ before you say anything, I know the name sounds wrong, but...
ITS NOT "THOSE" TYPE OF ANIMES. I'm emo not a freako :O
Although It should be rated 18 & above ;) ROFL!
Anyway it's an interesting anime. watched till ep4.
theres only like 13eps, if i'm not wrong.

Then finished my download of Marianas Trench :D
Facebooked with friends,
got to know a person in college better too~
and had some short comments with people in PLKN
and my music sister ;D lol! always sharing vids.
Hmmm..
OVERALL!
Awesome Day :'D
I feel blessed to have all these people in my life!
*Pokes the people!*

With people like youuuuu, who needs relationships~
(not really sure if i mean that, but I mean it for today! :D)
I think that's it.
:) gonna go listen to my tunes, chat with my buddies and facebook awhile

PEACE

&

LOVE

So

So! today.
yeahh, Nothing really interesting.
hmm i found out I can talk to a certain person,
without going all emo and have a not so bad conversation with him.
I think he prefers me this way too. lol.
I guess I changed alot in just a couple of days..

.Happiness.

I am happy, I am sad, but i am happy :)
The happiness cannot compare with the happiness I had before.
and there is sadness when I that I've never felt before.
An emptiness now filled by the holy spirit.
So my spirit is joyous. and I have found my peace.
Although my heart still bleeds.
Things happen for a reason
And so, yeah. heh~ :)
I'm still not sure about my future.
no visions nor signs or anything yet.
So I hope everything I'm doing now is right for once.
cos It doesnt seem wrong at all.

LIFE IS JUST

FILLED WITH MYSTERIES

Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting more than what I got.
Cos Christ did sacrificed on the Cross for me.
But still the world is hard and cruel place. I'm sure He understands too.
cos I remember there was part in the Bible that says

If you suffer for doing good, you will be blessed. But if you suffer for doing bad, you dont deserve any reward.

So I suffered from doing bad. but from there I started doing good and still suffering.
So i think if continue on, I will be blessed :) yes? or no? o__o
hmm! tis a mystery! rofl!

Hard times

I want to change completely.
And to do so, it requires. lots and lots of Endurance.
I dont know when i will be able to let go completely.
It feels soo hard.
I accept that she's gone, and i may never get her back.
I dont even know what i'm holding on to.
SIGH!
anyway,
Next week college start. Hoping it'll keep me busy.
So i wont get influenced emotionally.
Then... If I still have too much free time, i'ma do more in church.
if still too much. I'ma take up Guitar.
If still too much~ I'm just gonna pray hard.
Cos although God set a future for me,
I dont have Guidance to take me to it.
I dont know what i'm suppose to do.
Maybe is shud goto the movies alone, like my friend said.
hmmm~
but... now i think about it... I dont wanna go alone.. lol.. too much memories.
Haiz.. I cant do anything rite now :(
I need to find something new to do...
Its not the memories are bad or anything.
actually... most of them are happy memories. :')
but I dont wanna risk getting affected negatively by overthinking.
I wonder when will this uneasy feeling stop...
it makes it really hard to concentrate on my life..
These memories are things we Human choose.
Living by them are like living with the world.
being hurt by them are like denying the existence of God,
whom is the healer of my broken heart.
not the brainwasher of my memories.
So will time cure this emotional uneasiness?
I believe yes... not cure it, but make me strong enough to face it.
yeah! I aint weak.. God is my strength :)
and in due time I will be able to walk again.
They wont be things i'd forget, but things i'll learn to live with.

things I wanna be thankful for would be;
being happy the whole of last year.
I know have to let go of her, but the memories I choose to learn to live with.
Although I was hurt deeply at the near end of 2010,
I shouldnt have done what i did..
I wish.. I never changed lanes..
I should've stayed with God through out the previous year and last.
I wish the desires I wanted didnt cloud my judgement..
but it's too late now.
& yeah i learnt my lesson..
I thought about it this whole entire event and outcome..
And I wanted to quit on love..
but then, that's childish... to quit on something i believe in;
just because I was hurt.
It's life, it's suppose to hurt.
Things I regret can never be erase.
I guess this is how a first true true love breakup feels like.
it hurts. but i'll be stronger from it.
i needed to change this year anyway..
this shouldnt change anything.
it affects my plans.
But if she wasnt happy i shouldnt have been soo desperate.
I was too emotionally imbalanced and too naive to love her the way I should have.
Haizz~ you live and you learn eh?
Anyway! I will love and care for everyone around me. :)
Because, I am blessed to have people around me when I needed them.
Although it was wrong for me to seek people instead of God..
I think that's the big lesson i learnt from this.
Depending on God and not anyone else.
Cos no one can really heal me the way I needed to be healed.
and no one can strengthen me or reassure me like God can.

You know what? maybe I will goto the cinemas alone sometime.
Yeah, with God by my side. who else would I need eh?
And what better way to conquer the fear and pain than by facing it head on?
YEAH!
I was never one to have fear, hesitations or regrets.
nothing should change that~ and never will :D~
Oh cool! I feel better. hehe~

I'm thankful to have her be my first true love. if not i wouldnt have changed for the better :')

Current Song:
We The Redeemed - Hillsongs

Verse 1:
There is nothing like Your love
No exchange for all You gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know the love that saves

Verse 2:
Now forever to belong
To walk with You for all my days
Theres no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way

Pre-Chorus:
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King
Our hope is in You
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King

Chorus:
Singing glorious glorious One You have saved us
Honor and Power and Praise to the Savior.

You are the Answer You are the Answer

Verse 3:
You come with power come with fire
As we lift Your name on high
And join with all the saints to sing
In bringing Honor to the King.

Pre-Chorus + Chorus

Pre-Chorus + Chorus

Bridge:
We the redeemed
Hear us singing
You are Holy
You are Holy

I let go..

Knowledge is power! - Pastor Kong Hee

I know alotttt of people use that quote, but i like Pastor Kong's one. LOL!

Cos having Knowledge you obtain understanding, and from understanding you obtain wisdom.

and all that adds up to Intelligence :D

It took awhile, but theres improvement. :)
I finally understand why things happen the way it did.
hah! I found knowledge in the bible! and gotten my understanding!
Wisdom uhhh not that i can think of for now.. anyway!
So everything happened to me..
So i can actually finally accept myself and grow up and let go and forgive and well you get the picture..
Although It was a painful week~ It doesnt hurt as much anymore.
I think i finally accept it. :D
There are things I regret, and thank you-s I cannot say.
I pray for God bless those that I wish to thank!!! :) *say amen!*
Its a longgggg way to go for me to change my life.
But it's a new year, and since all things are possible.
i guess, Even someone as Emotional as I can find my right path.
I believe in it! Cos I ROCK! rofl! :) and I will endure it~ ♥
Whatever the future holds, I will hold onto God to lead me through it.
I still have my desires of course, so I'll always pray on those to be part of my future too.
For now, only time will clear my blurred future~
(unless i get some vision or dream tonight @.@)
I HAVE FOUND MY PEACE! yay! :')
And I still can become stronger, I guess time alone isnt that bad.
Especially when i spend it conquering my past and fears, and building myself up.

1 Peter 2: 4-5
" ⁴ As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— ⁵ you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house"

Thats for the line i used earlier; Building myself up.
:D like living stones
Anyway..
"What doesnt kill us makes us stronger."
I was the one who was wrong, and i blamed others along with my past..
I just really hope the wrongs i did would someday be forgiven.
I know God forgives me :) but i feel guilty about those I have wronged.
Or maybe~ someday i can find the strength to fix it myself.
Yeah, I should. to connect the gaps in the relations I've destroyed.
Ah well, thats for another time.
Gotta improve myself first.
Next week college starts. :) cant wait..
church saturday!~ cant wait!
and the rest of the week~
I'll hold myself out :) and improveeee more ♥
and i think i'm gonna take up guitar lessons soon too~ ♥
I'm not happy i lost her due to my choice in the (bad) emotional path.
But it was what she did that made me strong. So like the bible said;
"I will bless those who blesses you."
And I hope you'll be bless abundantly.









You will never know how great of a gift you have given me.:')
.I.really.wish.i.could.thank.you.somehow.

Mine

My blog is my reassurance to myself :)
When I'm weak He makes me strong.
If i am weak, its like i'm sinning against God.
I know I need to learn to accept the circumstances.
In order to grow up and mature..
And I will.. It's what i want to do too..
I will change, I will accept and I will overcome.
I have an aim.. but i have no plan..
I need this, soo badly..
I've been trying everything...
But i did all that to forget, not accept...
I keep getting influenced by little things.
But I wont anymore. No more.
I accept my past and my present..
There is nothing left. And that's okay.. yeah..
That's okay! I'm still alive!
I've been lying to myself, I should stop..
It hurts.. but I just have to accept it..
I will be able to get through this.
What ever my future holds, is a plan by God.
I shouldnt doubt Him..
Still trying.. But i'll be okay,
Cos You Hold Me Now.. :')

No weeping, no hurt or pain.
No Suffering; You hold me now.

This is something i need to get through myself. & I will.
I will believe in myself, I am perfectly and wonderfully made after all. :)
God bless me..

Current Song:

You Hold Me Now - Hillsongs

VERSE 1:
On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

PRE CHORUS 1:
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

CHORUS:
No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

VERSE 2:
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

PRE CHORUS 2:
Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

BRIDGE:
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

There For Me

Lyrics by: Aaron Yeo (Cybex)
Dedicated to the one that never left my side :)

Thank you!~ XD

There For Me

Verse 1:
You were there for me, when everyone was gone.
You were there for me, when everything was wrong.
You've saved me, from the depression of my soul.
You have changed me, to be a better me.

Chorus:
When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.
You were there for me.

When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.
You were there for me.

Verse 2:
You were there for me, when all that's left was pain.
You were there for me, even when I wasnt at my best.
You've saved me, from the disappointment of my life.
You have changed me. to be a better me.

Chorus:
When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.

When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.
You were there... You were right there, for me..

Bridge:
And when the time drove me out of line,
When I was drowning in my sorrow,
you held my hand and you pulled me out,
then you held me, then you held me..

Chorus:
When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.

When I needed You, You were there for me.
When I cried, You heard my plea.
When I was down, You held me tight.
& Helped Me Through My darkest night.
You were there for me.

You Saved Me.

Devotion

Dear God,
I am a sinner. I know I've left you.
I know I've sin against those who seek only good of me.
I know my pride is higher than my love for you.
I beg for your mercy and forgiveness.
For your embrace is my refuge.
Your arms are the walls that protect me.
The words i've cursed, the wrongs I've done.
I lay before you. You gave your son for me.
And I have left your presence for that of the world.
I know now my sins.
I know I greed for more than what has been given me.
I know the dream you've set in me,
But i left you, and now i am wounded.
I humble myself to you now, My king.
Bless those who i have wronged.
Forgive me of my treason.
I beg in your presence, oh father.
Let me return to thee,
Oh lord, I know i deserve not your mercy.
Your everlasting love and gentle heart.
You paid every price for me, all that i cant repay.
Let me be yours now, I will not wrong You again. father...
I will not wrong you again.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
I submit and devote myself to you with this prayer.
In Jesus's name I pray... Amen..

Forgiveness

I apologize for my behavior dear readers :)
each and everyone of you.
I guess i was just taken into the moment. I know my wrongs.

and to those who were being critical about it~ ahem!
I forgive you. :) even those of you who arent sorry. ahem ahem~ LOL!

that is all.

James 4 : 17
"Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commit sins."

current song:
It's Your Love - Hillsongs


Verse 1:
Upon the hill on Calvary
He came from Heaven's throne
Our fallenness and mercy meet
Where blood and water flow

Verse 2:
What grace divine what selflessness
That Christ would bear the weight
Our proof is scarred on hands that bled
That we were worth every nail

Chorus:
And all the praise and glory to God
We sing Hallelujah sing Hallelujah
For the King has carried the cross
He is risen from the grave

Verse 3:
Beyond the tomb to holy skies
He rose in victory
And bridged for us the great divide
His life is our liberty

Chorus x2

Bridge:
Your love
It's Your love
It's Your love
That has saved me

Your blood
It's Your blood
It's Your blood
That has claimed me

Bridge:
Oh-Oh-oh
Woah Woah
(Repeat bridge x3)